Love this. Through the first part of this story, I was smiling to myself with the thought, "My mother-in-law is dead...", as I was not good enough for about 20 years either. And frankly, her absence made my husband's cancer battle a little easier. Had she (and her opinions) been here, I would have ended up in prison.
Through the second half of the story, I realized I am prepping for old-ladyhood too; I just didn't know it. Now that I am a 56-year-old widow of almost two months, I am thinking about my next steps, and how they will serve me through my 60s and into my 70s. I look at my parents differently, think about how my children will adapt if I am gone too, and work on practical changes that will stand by me in the years to come. I enjoyed prepping for snowstorms, power outages, and the like (I didn't become an end-of-the world prepper because I don't need to survive that) but this kind of prepping also seems like it might be beneficial. Thanks for the insight, the captivating story, and the universal truth that aging is not for sissies!!
Thank you, Colby. I can completely understand your sentiments. I'm glad you kept yourself out of prison. And I'm sorry for this fresh loss you're living through. It's the toughest experience I've had. But life just keeps on and somehow we're glad for that❤️
My mouth fell open while reading this. It's brutal and compelling. Old age is often the age of self-betrayal, when our life choices betray who we have been. Your insights are knife sharp. What an excellent piece of writing. I'll stop babbling now.
This can be such a struggle. We need people; people are challenging. I'm not sure I'll ever figure this out exactly. Like all of us I'm flailing toward old age without a plan. It's like jumping off the world into a dark unknown and having to go whether you want to or not. Writing and connecting through words is a surprising comfort. Thanks for your comment.
I believe messages come to us from the Universe as gifts when we've been looking for an answer/insight. This came to me at the right time. I've been struggling to understand and better support my newly widowed mother. This gave me insight into not just her present, as a woman living life on her own now, but also her future as a much older woman. Thank you for sharing your perspective and that of these older ladies in your life.
I'm there, at 87. You have a very cool, clear eye. Most of the time, barring brief bouts of hysteria, I do too. I count on mine to keep me informed. But we never know tomorrow. Goo luck!
I was gripped by your story, pulled along by it, eager to find out what would happen next. Your premise resonated with me for two reasons: First, because I'm a single 77-year-old woman with no children, and only 2 remaining immediate family members who are still alive but reside in a distant state. At the age of 53, I walked away from a New York City cult named Aesthetic Realism after having been in it for 32 years. Then, all the people who had claimed to be my “family” all those years shunned me. Part of the fear tactics to try to force me to stay had been that without them, I would die alone and unloved in a world full of uncaring, unenlightened people - kind of like what your mother-in-law feared. Fortunately, this did not turn out to be the case. The second thing that intrigued me about your story was your description of the coercive control tactics your mother-in-law used and how similar they were to the techniques used by cult leaders. I congratulate you for having the wisdom and fortitude to fight against the manipulation, learn from it, and turn your seeing into usefulness to others. Thank you.
This is fascinating, Donna, and insightful. I never thought of coercive control. I just knew it felt wrong. I'm glad you escaped and are thriving outside of that cult. May we all age in peace.
Love this. Through the first part of this story, I was smiling to myself with the thought, "My mother-in-law is dead...", as I was not good enough for about 20 years either. And frankly, her absence made my husband's cancer battle a little easier. Had she (and her opinions) been here, I would have ended up in prison.
Through the second half of the story, I realized I am prepping for old-ladyhood too; I just didn't know it. Now that I am a 56-year-old widow of almost two months, I am thinking about my next steps, and how they will serve me through my 60s and into my 70s. I look at my parents differently, think about how my children will adapt if I am gone too, and work on practical changes that will stand by me in the years to come. I enjoyed prepping for snowstorms, power outages, and the like (I didn't become an end-of-the world prepper because I don't need to survive that) but this kind of prepping also seems like it might be beneficial. Thanks for the insight, the captivating story, and the universal truth that aging is not for sissies!!
Thank you, Colby. I can completely understand your sentiments. I'm glad you kept yourself out of prison. And I'm sorry for this fresh loss you're living through. It's the toughest experience I've had. But life just keeps on and somehow we're glad for that❤️
My mouth fell open while reading this. It's brutal and compelling. Old age is often the age of self-betrayal, when our life choices betray who we have been. Your insights are knife sharp. What an excellent piece of writing. I'll stop babbling now.
Thank you, Karen. I very much appreciate your feedback!
It's why we need community so badly.
And community comes with all the annoying people that we can't be bothered with.
What we can learn is to work on outgrowing our own judgemental tendencies and surround ourselves with people and learn to take them just as they are.
This can be such a struggle. We need people; people are challenging. I'm not sure I'll ever figure this out exactly. Like all of us I'm flailing toward old age without a plan. It's like jumping off the world into a dark unknown and having to go whether you want to or not. Writing and connecting through words is a surprising comfort. Thanks for your comment.
I believe messages come to us from the Universe as gifts when we've been looking for an answer/insight. This came to me at the right time. I've been struggling to understand and better support my newly widowed mother. This gave me insight into not just her present, as a woman living life on her own now, but also her future as a much older woman. Thank you for sharing your perspective and that of these older ladies in your life.
It's compassionate of you to care, Ain. She's lucky to have you in her life. Thanks for your comment.
I'm there, at 87. You have a very cool, clear eye. Most of the time, barring brief bouts of hysteria, I do too. I count on mine to keep me informed. But we never know tomorrow. Goo luck!
Thanks, Sallie. You too!
I was gripped by your story, pulled along by it, eager to find out what would happen next. Your premise resonated with me for two reasons: First, because I'm a single 77-year-old woman with no children, and only 2 remaining immediate family members who are still alive but reside in a distant state. At the age of 53, I walked away from a New York City cult named Aesthetic Realism after having been in it for 32 years. Then, all the people who had claimed to be my “family” all those years shunned me. Part of the fear tactics to try to force me to stay had been that without them, I would die alone and unloved in a world full of uncaring, unenlightened people - kind of like what your mother-in-law feared. Fortunately, this did not turn out to be the case. The second thing that intrigued me about your story was your description of the coercive control tactics your mother-in-law used and how similar they were to the techniques used by cult leaders. I congratulate you for having the wisdom and fortitude to fight against the manipulation, learn from it, and turn your seeing into usefulness to others. Thank you.
This is fascinating, Donna, and insightful. I never thought of coercive control. I just knew it felt wrong. I'm glad you escaped and are thriving outside of that cult. May we all age in peace.
Thank you, Trevy.
This is SO compellingly written. Bravissima!
Thank you, Sydney. I appreciate you commenting!
Excellent insight. I sure wish we had more than paper notes for certainty but I haven't seen examples of that. Thanks for your comment.