"But perfectionism is just another kind of fear." Thank you, Shanetta.
This resonated. I come from generations of mothers leaving daughters. The pain shaped so much of my life. I broke the cycle, but spent years trying to be perfect as a mom, and in everything I did. (Early parenting classes and therapy helped.)
Only later in life have I started learning to love myself as I am, imperfections and all. F*ck shame.
I hope I’ve given my adult children the space to love themselves sooner than I did.
This was a really human and thought provoking read which couldn’t have achieved that without such honest reflection. I really enjoyed reading a book years back that you’ve just reminded me of called It Didn’t Start With You. Anyway, thank you for this !
Loved reading this. Your voice feels so considered and intentional, it really stayed with me after I finished. We’ve been exploring similar themes over at gēnu, so this felt especially resonant. Looking forward to reading more from you ♡
You have the courage to not only break the cycle, but write this piece and put it out there for readers. You are not your mother. Amazing. Best wishes to you.
"A better mother wasn’t one who never made mistakes. It was one who acknowledged them and worked to be better." This totally hit home for me. I wish I had learned this lesson when my kids were babies, rather than when they were tweens and teens, but it's never too late to repair your relationship with your kids. That has been my experience.
Allowing myself to be imperfect was the best lesson I ever learned as a mother, and my kids have benefitted.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful words of honesty, vulnerability, and growth. 💜
"But perfectionism is just another kind of fear." Thank you, Shanetta.
This resonated. I come from generations of mothers leaving daughters. The pain shaped so much of my life. I broke the cycle, but spent years trying to be perfect as a mom, and in everything I did. (Early parenting classes and therapy helped.)
Only later in life have I started learning to love myself as I am, imperfections and all. F*ck shame.
I hope I’ve given my adult children the space to love themselves sooner than I did.
I wish I had read this essay 20 years ago. Very vulnerable and self-aware. Thank you for sharing.
This was a really human and thought provoking read which couldn’t have achieved that without such honest reflection. I really enjoyed reading a book years back that you’ve just reminded me of called It Didn’t Start With You. Anyway, thank you for this !
Loved reading this. Your voice feels so considered and intentional, it really stayed with me after I finished. We’ve been exploring similar themes over at gēnu, so this felt especially resonant. Looking forward to reading more from you ♡
With you. For you. Always. Walking away from Parents is never easy. Realizing the parts of them in us, is even more grieving and it’s part of the work to break the cycle to see it, to find it, to recollect ourselves and heal it. I write a bit about it here https://open.substack.com/pub/ashgallagher/p/divorcing-parents?r=1zzuy&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
You have the courage to not only break the cycle, but write this piece and put it out there for readers. You are not your mother. Amazing. Best wishes to you.
Such a beautiful reflection on motherhood.
"A better mother wasn’t one who never made mistakes. It was one who acknowledged them and worked to be better." This totally hit home for me. I wish I had learned this lesson when my kids were babies, rather than when they were tweens and teens, but it's never too late to repair your relationship with your kids. That has been my experience.
Allowing myself to be imperfect was the best lesson I ever learned as a mother, and my kids have benefitted.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful words of honesty, vulnerability, and growth. 💜
Awareness is what breaks the pattern... not perfection.
You're already mothering differently, simply because you noticed
I loved this work.
kudos...very well written
This happened and is still happening to me.