Thank you so much for writing this. I do the same. Perhaps on a far more frequent basis, and have done since I can remember. And I've attempted it, too; I thought 5 times, but recently discovered the time in my early twenties when I decided to starve myself as a punishment for letting the love of my life leave me (everyone assumed Anorexia) that this is also considered a slow kind of suicide. My reasons are of a feeling of uselessness; of invisibility and of unimportance in general. Now I've reached 60, those feelings are substantially more, added to chronic-daily-pain. I, too, am autistic; something I only learned about last year but have known my whole life in my soul.
Debs, thank you for sharing your struggles. I hope it helps you to know you aren't alone -- we are autistic, chronic pain (I have ankylosing spondylitis) sisters. I see you and you matter. Much, much love to you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I relate so very much and I wonder if there's a nuero-link because mine started around ages 9. I also went on to make several attempts 4 in fact. But never again, not since having my children. That doesn't mean the thoughts stop. I think about it all the time. I praise you for your bravery in sharing. This will reach many people who need to see it.
Could it be that you keep standing up, keep on going, keep doing your job because you have the Spirit of God inside you guiding you each and every day? Because you know that taking your own life is a sin against God? I truly pray 🙏 that it is, and that you know Him and believe in Him and trust that He is your savior, always has your back, and will always love you -no matter what. You will be free of these thoughts one day and I hope that you keep on using your Spiritual gifts to stop others from taking their own lives. I’m praying for you, don’t forget that either.
Ah, my dear sister. To me you are such a bright light. You know that my oldest son committed suicide. I know it takes an effort to have these thoughts and still stand up and go on with life. Suicidal ideation isn’t about being brave, or not. Being whole, or not. Being big, or small. I think it’s important to understand that in a while the urge will pass, as you do, as you point out here. We all have holes in our souls, dark moments of doubt. Some of us push past it. Some are exhausted from the pain. My youngest son is autistic and feels our loss so keenly. I talk about my oldest son every time I get a chance because I know there are other mothers like me out there, grieving every day, wondering what we could have done to heal our children, to keep them alive, even—because that’s what we’re supposed to do—and there are other siblings who wonder if this is what it feels like. And they need to know they are not alone in their grief. But I also know that other people have these thoughts and may or may not act on them. To them I only want to say, I care that you are still here, still with us, still pushing this world around the sun. We hold this world up together, all of us. I truly believe that. Every hand, every heart, matters. Bless everyone who hears your important words.
Thank you so much for writing this. I do the same. Perhaps on a far more frequent basis, and have done since I can remember. And I've attempted it, too; I thought 5 times, but recently discovered the time in my early twenties when I decided to starve myself as a punishment for letting the love of my life leave me (everyone assumed Anorexia) that this is also considered a slow kind of suicide. My reasons are of a feeling of uselessness; of invisibility and of unimportance in general. Now I've reached 60, those feelings are substantially more, added to chronic-daily-pain. I, too, am autistic; something I only learned about last year but have known my whole life in my soul.
Debs, thank you for sharing your struggles. I hope it helps you to know you aren't alone -- we are autistic, chronic pain (I have ankylosing spondylitis) sisters. I see you and you matter. Much, much love to you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I relate so very much and I wonder if there's a nuero-link because mine started around ages 9. I also went on to make several attempts 4 in fact. But never again, not since having my children. That doesn't mean the thoughts stop. I think about it all the time. I praise you for your bravery in sharing. This will reach many people who need to see it.
Could it be that you keep standing up, keep on going, keep doing your job because you have the Spirit of God inside you guiding you each and every day? Because you know that taking your own life is a sin against God? I truly pray 🙏 that it is, and that you know Him and believe in Him and trust that He is your savior, always has your back, and will always love you -no matter what. You will be free of these thoughts one day and I hope that you keep on using your Spiritual gifts to stop others from taking their own lives. I’m praying for you, don’t forget that either.
Thank you for writing this. It's beautiful and important.
Thank you for reading, Meg! 🌹
Ah, my dear sister. To me you are such a bright light. You know that my oldest son committed suicide. I know it takes an effort to have these thoughts and still stand up and go on with life. Suicidal ideation isn’t about being brave, or not. Being whole, or not. Being big, or small. I think it’s important to understand that in a while the urge will pass, as you do, as you point out here. We all have holes in our souls, dark moments of doubt. Some of us push past it. Some are exhausted from the pain. My youngest son is autistic and feels our loss so keenly. I talk about my oldest son every time I get a chance because I know there are other mothers like me out there, grieving every day, wondering what we could have done to heal our children, to keep them alive, even—because that’s what we’re supposed to do—and there are other siblings who wonder if this is what it feels like. And they need to know they are not alone in their grief. But I also know that other people have these thoughts and may or may not act on them. To them I only want to say, I care that you are still here, still with us, still pushing this world around the sun. We hold this world up together, all of us. I truly believe that. Every hand, every heart, matters. Bless everyone who hears your important words.