Thanks for sharing this. It's something I've often wondered about as it's been mostly performative for me, and now, well past menopause, I'm just relieved of that drive and can enjoy my own body, without romance and sex cluttering things up.
Hi, I found this interesting as a mother of a 31 year old daughter who seems to live in a similar way. Once I asked her about her relationship with relationships, and she assured me that she was an emotionally stable adult and that there are are only 2 people she feels comfortable discussing it with. I love her. She always makes her boundaries very clear. This is about not only being kind and accepting about others' choices, but more importantly our own. Gender and sexual roles have been established by a patriarchal social structure that has confused us for centuries. We are always free to make our own choices, regardless of what our mothers think they knew.
I appreciate your openness on this subject, it's a difficult one - society is tending more in the opposite direction, with sex and love centralized, even indispensible, to happiness.
I appreciate your sharing in this. I have come to think of myself as demisexual. I am romantic. I can't get easily aroused by casual sex or one-night-stands. If I get to know someone and feel fondness, love or romantic attraction for them then I enjoy sex. I haven't readily related to passion or the instant horniness I perceive in many gay men (and some straight men, too). I am very soon to be 78. I haven't wanted to have sex for many years. I have wanted to love and be loved, on a romantic level as well as in friendship or familial terms.
Sex and romantic love, as depicted in novels and films, are unrealistic. We become disillusioned when our expectations fail in comparison.
True love is complicated, often messy, with unexpressed feelings of anger, disappointment, and more.
As for me, I'm much more interested in a soulful connection with an open-minded, intelligent, kind man who will accept me and support me through good times and bad. Satisfying sex is not at the top of my needs list.
Excellent piece! I loved reading this bit about your life as an asexual person! I've started writing a tiny bit about my life as an aroace person, and in fact my being aroace is disclosed in my Substack bio, but as someone who has a bunch of other interests I've wanted to write about that have nothing to do with my orientations or gender I've been quite slow to write much about it.
Thank you for so generously sharing your experience. This is the first time I've heard so extensively from an ace-identified person, and it has opened a can of curiosity for me to learn more. You're an important part of the queer community, and heard so infrequently. Appreciate you and Troy partnering to make this more widely available. 💝
I am trying to get to a place of being more accepting of being asexual. I've confused desire and passion with "love " for decades, and after my second divorce 11 years ago, I lacked any energy or drive to pursue any new relationships. I was ok with being celibate. And of course...menopause. HRT did nothing to revive my MOJO. I just have ZERO libido. I mourn it, actually.
Thanks for sharing this. It's something I've often wondered about as it's been mostly performative for me, and now, well past menopause, I'm just relieved of that drive and can enjoy my own body, without romance and sex cluttering things up.
Thank you for writing this and sharing it. I’m always looking for more ACE voices to add to QUEER spaces. Subscribed.
Hi, I found this interesting as a mother of a 31 year old daughter who seems to live in a similar way. Once I asked her about her relationship with relationships, and she assured me that she was an emotionally stable adult and that there are are only 2 people she feels comfortable discussing it with. I love her. She always makes her boundaries very clear. This is about not only being kind and accepting about others' choices, but more importantly our own. Gender and sexual roles have been established by a patriarchal social structure that has confused us for centuries. We are always free to make our own choices, regardless of what our mothers think they knew.
I appreciate your openness on this subject, it's a difficult one - society is tending more in the opposite direction, with sex and love centralized, even indispensible, to happiness.
I appreciate your sharing in this. I have come to think of myself as demisexual. I am romantic. I can't get easily aroused by casual sex or one-night-stands. If I get to know someone and feel fondness, love or romantic attraction for them then I enjoy sex. I haven't readily related to passion or the instant horniness I perceive in many gay men (and some straight men, too). I am very soon to be 78. I haven't wanted to have sex for many years. I have wanted to love and be loved, on a romantic level as well as in friendship or familial terms.
Sex and romantic love, as depicted in novels and films, are unrealistic. We become disillusioned when our expectations fail in comparison.
True love is complicated, often messy, with unexpressed feelings of anger, disappointment, and more.
As for me, I'm much more interested in a soulful connection with an open-minded, intelligent, kind man who will accept me and support me through good times and bad. Satisfying sex is not at the top of my needs list.
Excellent piece! I loved reading this bit about your life as an asexual person! I've started writing a tiny bit about my life as an aroace person, and in fact my being aroace is disclosed in my Substack bio, but as someone who has a bunch of other interests I've wanted to write about that have nothing to do with my orientations or gender I've been quite slow to write much about it.
Thank you for so generously sharing your experience. This is the first time I've heard so extensively from an ace-identified person, and it has opened a can of curiosity for me to learn more. You're an important part of the queer community, and heard so infrequently. Appreciate you and Troy partnering to make this more widely available. 💝
I am trying to get to a place of being more accepting of being asexual. I've confused desire and passion with "love " for decades, and after my second divorce 11 years ago, I lacked any energy or drive to pursue any new relationships. I was ok with being celibate. And of course...menopause. HRT did nothing to revive my MOJO. I just have ZERO libido. I mourn it, actually.