How to Respond to People Who Read What You Write

My simple, foolproof strategy

Over the weekend, while on a family vacation at the beach, I met a friend of my brother-in-law who had recently read an essay of mine on the World Wide Web. He mentioned, off-handedly, that he had enjoyed it, and I immediately clenched all of my clenchable muscles. There are few things more threatening than making small talk with a nice person.

But, friends, I’m a professional, so instead of spontaneously sobbing or shouting “LIAR,” I simply smiled and said, “Thank you.” That’s my life hack right there. It’s obvious, but it never hurts to be reminded that no writer is an island.

When someone says, “I read your thing” or “I liked your thing,” it is appropriate to reply, “Thank you.” It is also easy to remember. You can say it while secretly perspiring.

One of the most predictable consequences of being published is that someone will read your work—maybe not millions of someones, or even dozens, but someone. And no matter how many times I write an essay, or an op-ed, or a reported feature, or even a memoir, I’m still surprised that anyone out there reads it. Surprised and panicked.

(A side note: There are plenty of authors who do not suffer from crippling social anxiety. I aspire to their calm.)

This tension, between wanting to be seen and fearing daylight, defines my creative life. I crave attention, and yet, when it’s given, especially in the form of superficial and well-meaning praise, I want to hide under a bridge.

There's a famous bon mot from Dorothy Parker that goes “I hate writing but love having written.” I don’t agree with Mrs. Parker. I am one of the few writers who enjoys the safety and solitude of writing. What’s difficult for me is making direct eye contact with someone who has just sat in my prose like a hot tub.