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Sydney Lea's avatar

I'm 82, fifteen years retired... and suffer from the same guilt when I'm (meant to be) relaxing. In my case, I think, it's the product of a mom who, no matter how well I did at anything, always insisted I'd do better if I "applied myself." Of course, I might have simply vegged out without her prodding. Mixed blessing.

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Heidi J Kellam's avatar

I haven’t been diagnosed with ADHD, but I’ve struggled to relax on vacation too. I’ve blamed that mostly on self-imposed unrealistic deadlines and the culture of productivity we are all steeped in (at least here in the US). Also, as a woman who tries to fight gendered stereotypes, I feel like I need to prove my worthiness, especially with projects that don’t explicitly pay (creative projects like Substack). Then let’s sprinkle in a little bit of the perfectionism from which I’m recovering from my youth… and there you have it! A recipe for not being able to fully relax. Also, you’re a mom. So there’s that part too 😊 Congrats on getting your essay done for Monday… though I did notice you misspelled “family” and had a word in there, “from” I think it was, twice. 😉

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Rachel Kramer Bussel's avatar

Thank you, and yes indeed on our culture of productivity, though I often feel like I'm the one generating that pressure. All I can hope is that I break that cycle for my daughter (and myself, though that will be harder). And I appreciate you catching those errors - both have been fixed.

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Birgit / Mrs.Bimako's avatar

That line — ‘you’re still you, silly’ — hit me hard. I don’t live with ADHD, but I know that voice that drags guilt like extra luggage, even on holiday. And I keep thinking: part of the weight comes from how little space there still is for women’s health and neurodiverse experiences in our systems. No wonder we carry it alone. I wonder what might change if our systems made space for that reality instead of pretending we can just push through?

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Marylyn Coffey's avatar

The dialogue with your ADHD sounds perfectly normal to me! I suppose I have that sort of inner conversation all the time! I never knew it was associated with ADHD.

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