I haven't read anything so relatable in a long time! I too have a long torso and shortish legs, a smaller waist and larger hips and thighs. Jeans that fit well and feel good are our Holy Grail, and while finding them doesn't solve the world's larger problems, it does make us feel more secure in ourselves. I hope you find that security and peace, whether you continue this habit or not. You know what's best for you. Take care, and thanks for writing this.
“she’s gonna need the pretty plus jeans.” it’s been 44 years since some Sears saleslady said that to my mom as I stood in the dressing room with jeans stuck around my thighs. I was 9. I do a version of this. During residential treatment for an eating disorder eight years ago, they urged us to get rid of our pre treatment jeans — especially the ones that still almost fit. I clung into a white pair that made me look a Real Housewife
and soothed my “see you haven’t changed that much” brain until they wouldn’t pass those same strong thighs. Then I cut them off into shorts for those after stomach-bug days or mid vacation days (I tend to lose weight on vacation — more movement, better tastier satisfying food and fewer crackers of comfort) I just saw them during a closet reorg. Now they fit my legs but not my menopausal middle. So — this is it. Why do I keep this outline of a former almost dead self? These were not happy times — well, the happy I found then was all contingent upon remaining a certain size. I put them in the donate pile. It’s so hard. To help me break the habit, I asked my husband to join me and talk with me through the last try-on sesh. It helped. And I got three new pair of jeans. So much about my ed was soothing a lonely self. Just me and the mirror. Me and the bowl of whatever. Me and the endless runs. But those habits only reinforced the loneliness. Allowing him in removed some of the power of my jeans abuse-reward ritual. I hope writing this helps you see it from a new perspective, one from a slightly greater distance and a lot more compassion.
I love this so much and your commitment to health as you explore secrets and questionable rituals--and now you've told so many and have earned "what’s on the other side of disclosure—freedom, peace, and connection."
Excellent piece. And it's always the jeans. We all seem to have the jeans we wear, the jeans reserved for our post-vacation spread, and the jeans that are completely uncomfortable, but saved at the bottom of the drawer for this type of self-examination. I wonder how it feels to tell this secret on yourself?
I loved this. I’ve got a “reference dress” in my wardrobe. It’s so unhealthy but I use it to reference my weight. If it fits, all good. If it doesn’t … well it rarely does 😂
I haven't read anything so relatable in a long time! I too have a long torso and shortish legs, a smaller waist and larger hips and thighs. Jeans that fit well and feel good are our Holy Grail, and while finding them doesn't solve the world's larger problems, it does make us feel more secure in ourselves. I hope you find that security and peace, whether you continue this habit or not. You know what's best for you. Take care, and thanks for writing this.
I wanted to direct message you all my pile of jeans that I finally gave away!!! If I can figure out how to post on my page I’ll let u know :)
I agree whole heartedly!!!! And I’m a therapist!!!! And I’m going to try to direct message u in a little bit:)
I was able to post my jeans pile picture on my page and just sent it out :) hope u can see it :)
Christie, this is heroic. I'm saving your post for inspiration when I'm ready to write about my jeans.
“she’s gonna need the pretty plus jeans.” it’s been 44 years since some Sears saleslady said that to my mom as I stood in the dressing room with jeans stuck around my thighs. I was 9. I do a version of this. During residential treatment for an eating disorder eight years ago, they urged us to get rid of our pre treatment jeans — especially the ones that still almost fit. I clung into a white pair that made me look a Real Housewife
and soothed my “see you haven’t changed that much” brain until they wouldn’t pass those same strong thighs. Then I cut them off into shorts for those after stomach-bug days or mid vacation days (I tend to lose weight on vacation — more movement, better tastier satisfying food and fewer crackers of comfort) I just saw them during a closet reorg. Now they fit my legs but not my menopausal middle. So — this is it. Why do I keep this outline of a former almost dead self? These were not happy times — well, the happy I found then was all contingent upon remaining a certain size. I put them in the donate pile. It’s so hard. To help me break the habit, I asked my husband to join me and talk with me through the last try-on sesh. It helped. And I got three new pair of jeans. So much about my ed was soothing a lonely self. Just me and the mirror. Me and the bowl of whatever. Me and the endless runs. But those habits only reinforced the loneliness. Allowing him in removed some of the power of my jeans abuse-reward ritual. I hope writing this helps you see it from a new perspective, one from a slightly greater distance and a lot more compassion.
I love this so much and your commitment to health as you explore secrets and questionable rituals--and now you've told so many and have earned "what’s on the other side of disclosure—freedom, peace, and connection."
Excellent piece. And it's always the jeans. We all seem to have the jeans we wear, the jeans reserved for our post-vacation spread, and the jeans that are completely uncomfortable, but saved at the bottom of the drawer for this type of self-examination. I wonder how it feels to tell this secret on yourself?
This habit hurts you. Please tell your therapist, get tips from him, stop this self torture, and relax every time the urge strikes.
I agree and thank you!
I loved this. I’ve got a “reference dress” in my wardrobe. It’s so unhealthy but I use it to reference my weight. If it fits, all good. If it doesn’t … well it rarely does 😂
What a first-rate piece of work. Both relatable (yes, even though I’m a senior male) and embodying a universal message. Thank you for this. Bob.
I relate to so much of this.