Wow, everyone needs and deserves a friend like that.
I had a friend, Tom, who was always there for me. We were friends for forty years. He died recently and I'm bereft without him in my life.
I sometimes contemplate why I was never sexually attracted to him and kept him in friend mode. Perhaps it was fear or some twisted notion of what a sexual partner needs for me to find him appealing, for me to be attracted.
Perhaps our friendship was what true love really is. Now it's too late.
Everyone is lovable. Your friend has given you a great gift.
If I may (and please ignore this if it’s not useful for you) - attraction is a thing that has no rhyme or reason. Not being attracted to someone (even if they are undeniably attractive by conventional beauty standards) isn’t a good or a bad thing. It is just a thing that is true.
I had a number of fellow writers read this piece before I submitted it to Rachel, and the most frequent comment I got was “I don’t understand why you and Christopher didn’t become a couple.” There is little imagination in our culture for relationships that fall outside the traditional monogamous, heterosexual pairing. But that limits so much of what is possible in the world.
I hope you’re able to open your heart to a new companion (sexual or not) when you’re ready. ❤️
Yes, I know that to be true. I once lived with someone for five years. Even good friends would ask me, "What do you see in him? You could do much better."
You are absolutely right when you say there is no rhyme or reason to attraction, either it's there or not.
Tom went to therapy years ago and asked his therapist why I wasn't sexually attracted to him. She said, "It's like going to a fish market and wanting chicken....it's not there."
He told me this. I always assured him it was something in me and there was nothing at all wrong with him. I was able to say goodbye and told him I loved him, he was my best friend ever. Thank you for your compelling and wonderful thoughts. xxoo
Sometimes things just happen for a reason, I love the way he considered that it might not be a good idea with the emotional state he was in yet gave you the truth you needed to hear.❤️🤗
Great Writing. Very cinematic. Have you ever considered writing for television? This would make an excellent short. In regard to the fact that it’s your real life: I’m glad you got the validation everyone deserves: to know they are wanted.
I love this essay and really appreciate the vulnerability it took to ask the question and to set it up in a way that worked for you to ask it. You capture this so well and really let us be there in it with you that courageous vulnerable moment. I was cheering as I read it! Brava and thank you for writing this!
I love this writing. It’s a universal feeling for most women to feel inadequate, and truly this begins with our fathers. This shows exactly that. So relatable about the stories we tell ourselves. Remembering to ask ourselves—- is this actually true?
Exactly! When the loudest voice in our world tells us something, it’s incredibly difficult to take a step back and consider that they might have been wrong. I was fortunate that my father passed in my 20s - as long as he was alive, I was too frozen to even entertain that thought. Even after his death it took 15 years to gather that bravery. My dearest hope is that others will see a reflection of themselves in my story and it won’t take them nearly as long ❤️❤️
This was incredibly beautiful. Thank you for articulating so well what so many of us feel. Grateful to have my own version of Christopher who has patiently spoken so many of those similar truths, even when I wasn’t ready to receive them.
I love this so much. The ability to have full intimacy (that includes open honesty) is life-changing.
It truly has been completely transformative ❤️❤️
Wow, everyone needs and deserves a friend like that.
I had a friend, Tom, who was always there for me. We were friends for forty years. He died recently and I'm bereft without him in my life.
I sometimes contemplate why I was never sexually attracted to him and kept him in friend mode. Perhaps it was fear or some twisted notion of what a sexual partner needs for me to find him appealing, for me to be attracted.
Perhaps our friendship was what true love really is. Now it's too late.
Everyone is lovable. Your friend has given you a great gift.
I am so sorry for your loss, Dianne.
If I may (and please ignore this if it’s not useful for you) - attraction is a thing that has no rhyme or reason. Not being attracted to someone (even if they are undeniably attractive by conventional beauty standards) isn’t a good or a bad thing. It is just a thing that is true.
I had a number of fellow writers read this piece before I submitted it to Rachel, and the most frequent comment I got was “I don’t understand why you and Christopher didn’t become a couple.” There is little imagination in our culture for relationships that fall outside the traditional monogamous, heterosexual pairing. But that limits so much of what is possible in the world.
I hope you’re able to open your heart to a new companion (sexual or not) when you’re ready. ❤️
Yes, I know that to be true. I once lived with someone for five years. Even good friends would ask me, "What do you see in him? You could do much better."
You are absolutely right when you say there is no rhyme or reason to attraction, either it's there or not.
Tom went to therapy years ago and asked his therapist why I wasn't sexually attracted to him. She said, "It's like going to a fish market and wanting chicken....it's not there."
He told me this. I always assured him it was something in me and there was nothing at all wrong with him. I was able to say goodbye and told him I loved him, he was my best friend ever. Thank you for your compelling and wonderful thoughts. xxoo
I can feel the tenderness he showed you, and I hope you continue to show it to yourself. Lovely piece. I’ll look forward to your memoir.
Thank you so much, Leslie ❤️
Sometimes things just happen for a reason, I love the way he considered that it might not be a good idea with the emotional state he was in yet gave you the truth you needed to hear.❤️🤗
Yes! Straightforward communication for the win! ❤️
Great Writing. Very cinematic. Have you ever considered writing for television? This would make an excellent short. In regard to the fact that it’s your real life: I’m glad you got the validation everyone deserves: to know they are wanted.
Wow, thanks! I love that idea. I'm taking the long and excruciatingly slow route to getting my memoir finished, but maybe TV will be next 😁
I love this essay and really appreciate the vulnerability it took to ask the question and to set it up in a way that worked for you to ask it. You capture this so well and really let us be there in it with you that courageous vulnerable moment. I was cheering as I read it! Brava and thank you for writing this!
Thank you so much ❤️❤️
I love this writing. It’s a universal feeling for most women to feel inadequate, and truly this begins with our fathers. This shows exactly that. So relatable about the stories we tell ourselves. Remembering to ask ourselves—- is this actually true?
Exactly! When the loudest voice in our world tells us something, it’s incredibly difficult to take a step back and consider that they might have been wrong. I was fortunate that my father passed in my 20s - as long as he was alive, I was too frozen to even entertain that thought. Even after his death it took 15 years to gather that bravery. My dearest hope is that others will see a reflection of themselves in my story and it won’t take them nearly as long ❤️❤️
Great piece and vulnerable
Thank you ❤️❤️
Subtly beautiful piece. Ambiguous relationships can be healing ❤️
This was incredibly beautiful. Thank you for articulating so well what so many of us feel. Grateful to have my own version of Christopher who has patiently spoken so many of those similar truths, even when I wasn’t ready to receive them.