I got migraines at age 24 and was not a sex worker. You needed not carry any guilt about that because it is an inherited condition . My mom and I and my sister and her son all had and have migraines. Diarrhea comes along with them. Bless you 🙏
I JUST read Michelle's incredible memoir over the weekend. It was so engrossing - I read it all in one day. So glad to see her incredible writing here in Open Secrets! :) I'm a Michelle Fan now, and, of course, an Open Secrets regular reader!!! :)
Michelle - Thank you! Your candor (and craft!) is so admirable. As a writer myself, I find your work inspiring, as you told a story that could be so difficult to read, but the humor, warmth, and empathy moves the narrative along so smoothly. AND you were so skillful with highlighting issues of poverty, class, health care, and higher education. Amazing!!!! I’m a fan!
Thank you for sharing your truth. Shame, guilt, and secrecy are so debilitating. I know this because I have a similar story (different physical ailments.) I am in my 50's and am still reminding myself that I did what I needed to do to survive. You did, too, and that is powerful. Give yourself credit for then, and credit for now. I see you and want you to know that you are not alone. ♥
I truly appreciate your candor. I used to be a professional fetish worker and I viscerally remember the constant conflict of making good money ( for once) and being chewed on by shame and guilt. Several autoimmune disorders escalated during that time period.
Girl! We need to talk. Your writing is brilliant. The candor. The descriptions. My God! I have so much in common with you although I'm in my 50s. I worked as a hostess in Japan in my early 20s, traded so much of my youth for money. I even ended up marrying one of those guys. And eventually left. My daughter is 28 now, and I still grapple with what to tell. What to leave out. I've got a few pieces about it published and am working on my memoir. I too, had 10,000$ as my forever goal!
Thank you so much! Wow, we really do have so much in common. John asked me to marry him, but I refused and deciding to go back into financial insecurity was so hard. I'm so glad you're writing a memoir about your life. Can't wait until it's out in the world! It really is so hard to figure out what to leave out/ what to share when sharing, especially with someone like your daughter, but we all want to know our moms for who they really are!
I so wish we could move away from the way we look at sex work in the United States. Right now, one has to be very tough and courageous to use it as a way to make money. Good luck with finding relief from the migraines. I know they can be incredibly debilitating. Looking forward to more posts from you here on Substack. I thoroughly enjoyed your writing.
Beautiful essay, Michelle! I love how you've started writing about life beyond the era of "Thank You, John" - we love to put the puzzle pieces together and know how the story continues!
Michele Peters has said what I planned to say, but more eloquently than I could. Migraine is pernicious (my OH has suffered from decades): I wish you well and hope your health improves. I have to admit that a diet of beans and no sugar sounds pretty grim!
Great piece Michelle. I can definitely relate to the judgement from others when you shared with friends about your foray into the adult world. I’ve balanced/balance that same tightrope - trying to maintain friendships and preserve authenticity at the same time. It’s tough. I will be heading to read your memoir!
Thank you for sharing. For people with cluster headaches (I don't know about migraines but you said they come in clusters), check out the book Paychedelic Outlaws.
Thank you for having the courage to share your experience. I love that when you sat your friends down and told them the truth they stuck by you. You have an amazing network! And you deserve it.
Powerful writing!! I don’t believe your sex work and migraines are connected, you could have ended up an accountant and still get migraines! And look at all you’ve done with that shame! You’re an inspiration 💚
I got migraines at age 24 and was not a sex worker. You needed not carry any guilt about that because it is an inherited condition . My mom and I and my sister and her son all had and have migraines. Diarrhea comes along with them. Bless you 🙏
I JUST read Michelle's incredible memoir over the weekend. It was so engrossing - I read it all in one day. So glad to see her incredible writing here in Open Secrets! :) I'm a Michelle Fan now, and, of course, an Open Secrets regular reader!!! :)
Omg! Thank you so much for reading the memoir!! Glad you enjoyed it!! :)
Michelle - Thank you! Your candor (and craft!) is so admirable. As a writer myself, I find your work inspiring, as you told a story that could be so difficult to read, but the humor, warmth, and empathy moves the narrative along so smoothly. AND you were so skillful with highlighting issues of poverty, class, health care, and higher education. Amazing!!!! I’m a fan!
Thank you for sharing your truth. Shame, guilt, and secrecy are so debilitating. I know this because I have a similar story (different physical ailments.) I am in my 50's and am still reminding myself that I did what I needed to do to survive. You did, too, and that is powerful. Give yourself credit for then, and credit for now. I see you and want you to know that you are not alone. ♥
I truly appreciate your candor. I used to be a professional fetish worker and I viscerally remember the constant conflict of making good money ( for once) and being chewed on by shame and guilt. Several autoimmune disorders escalated during that time period.
Thanks for reading Lisa! Yeah, the autoimmune response to the stress is REAL.
I am still living with the autoimmune issues from decades ago. But the more I open up and share, the more I banish the shame - the better I feel.
Girl! We need to talk. Your writing is brilliant. The candor. The descriptions. My God! I have so much in common with you although I'm in my 50s. I worked as a hostess in Japan in my early 20s, traded so much of my youth for money. I even ended up marrying one of those guys. And eventually left. My daughter is 28 now, and I still grapple with what to tell. What to leave out. I've got a few pieces about it published and am working on my memoir. I too, had 10,000$ as my forever goal!
Can't wait to read your memoir!
Thank you so much! Wow, we really do have so much in common. John asked me to marry him, but I refused and deciding to go back into financial insecurity was so hard. I'm so glad you're writing a memoir about your life. Can't wait until it's out in the world! It really is so hard to figure out what to leave out/ what to share when sharing, especially with someone like your daughter, but we all want to know our moms for who they really are!
I so wish we could move away from the way we look at sex work in the United States. Right now, one has to be very tough and courageous to use it as a way to make money. Good luck with finding relief from the migraines. I know they can be incredibly debilitating. Looking forward to more posts from you here on Substack. I thoroughly enjoyed your writing.
Thank you so much, Jack!! I just released a memoir about my time as a sex worker titled, Thank You, John if you’re interested in reading more!
I’ll buy it today!
You're awesome!! Thank you!! Let me know what you think of it!
Beautiful essay, Michelle! I love how you've started writing about life beyond the era of "Thank You, John" - we love to put the puzzle pieces together and know how the story continues!
Michele Peters has said what I planned to say, but more eloquently than I could. Migraine is pernicious (my OH has suffered from decades): I wish you well and hope your health improves. I have to admit that a diet of beans and no sugar sounds pretty grim!
Great piece Michelle. I can definitely relate to the judgement from others when you shared with friends about your foray into the adult world. I’ve balanced/balance that same tightrope - trying to maintain friendships and preserve authenticity at the same time. It’s tough. I will be heading to read your memoir!
Thank you for sharing. For people with cluster headaches (I don't know about migraines but you said they come in clusters), check out the book Paychedelic Outlaws.
Thanks for the rec! I'll check it out
You had me at "compensated dinner," the terminology I've been looking for forever.
Thank you for having the courage to share your experience. I love that when you sat your friends down and told them the truth they stuck by you. You have an amazing network! And you deserve it.
Damn! Michelle Gurule can write an essay! Wait until you read her memoir, Thank You, John!
Powerful writing!! I don’t believe your sex work and migraines are connected, you could have ended up an accountant and still get migraines! And look at all you’ve done with that shame! You’re an inspiration 💚
Thank you. I hope you are freed from the migraines. X
It’s always a pleasure to read Michelle’s writing!
Really introspective and interesting. Thank you for sharing your story.