Tawnya, this is so moving. Estrangement doesn't take away moments of past affection (as much as we might wish it did!). I'm sorry for the loss of potential resolution for you and her, and hope you keep finding comfort elsewhere.
I’m sorry for your loss. I thank you deeply for sharing the raw emotion and unanswerable questions that come from your experience. Your honesty helps ❤️
I so appreciate your honesty in this post. I’m struggling too with sisters who were something else once upon a time. Thank you for posting this. I will undoubtedly read it many more times.
Beautiful, painful and relatable. Love is so layered. I love how you write about her with truth at the forefront and let us feel the both the love and the pain, and the grief.
Resonant and powerful and nuanced. I had a complicated relationship with my older sister. It helped when I came to the conclusion that no one actually designs their own personality. They try; they do some work or they don't. They heal or they don't. I wish you healing and peace, and I'm sorry for your loss, and the loss of decades that preceded it.
interesting that she didn't reach out after her diagnosis, or during her treatments, or ever. i wonder, if the shoe were on the other foot, would you have budged? i understand the complexities. good that you got it all down. now, i hope, you both can rest.
Hi there, I want to thank you for sharing your grief and your loss. I have not had the chance to write to you because I was going through the same thing as you. But I am of a different caliber, with your indulgence, I will now explain.
I am a 45-year-old person with a neurodivergent challenge, I did not know much about emotions because as a person born with a neurodivergent challenge called autism, you do not understand the meaning of emotions. As a young child I never cried when I was needed to have a diaper changed or was fed, etc. But as time progressed, and my mother told me the value of raw emotions, and the value of human life, I began to understand it. And it's because of my practice in the philosophy of Buddhism - Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism to be precise - I also had the support of people that cared about me and loved me enough to teach me all about this very thing: emotions.
You have to understand that the things they taught me, and especially more importantly the value of respecting people's lives and loving them, never prepared me for the day that I would actually feel until the very moment in October of 2025. I had just been in college for 3 years and this guy who was a great professor gave me an opportunity to be on the radio in my college as a volunteer DJ, he always made sure I had everything prepared and so much more, but he one day in March was not there and I didn't hear from him and I didn't know what in the world what was going on, I thought he had suffered depression but little did I know he was about to face a very very serious battle - glioblastoma - AKA brain cancer, and we all know what brain cancer is, something that can just take you out in the shortest of time. But my professor, like a tough bull, battled this gently cancer for 14 months and 26 days, almost 2 years, and we were all hoping against hope that he would fully get out of this nightmare so he could be back with us, little did I know it would be the last time I would see him in March of last year. We all saw him and we had really major hope that he would come back. I did not realize it would be a goodbye. The professor by the way was a man by the name of Ed Robinson at Felician University
I kept the station going for almost a year and 6 months while he was away, but all that time he knew I was really holding down the fort and really giving it my best. Finally, October 14th.... Even now as I think about it, I get absolute tears, he lost the battle to glioblastoma. I found out about it two days later when they told me. My world was shattered and I couldn't stop crying for days and days and days. It was the very first time that a man really who touched my life deeply, gave me the ultimate lesson - appreciate what you have today cuz you never know what tomorrow will bring.
Now it is almost 4 months since it's passing and there's not a day that goes by I do not think of him. And even when I go to the station, I know he's with me and with us who were touched by his life and lessons. But the person I think about most of all is his wife and kids and the friends who are still grief-stricken, they're a part of me too when I went to his wake and his service, they commended me for really holding down the fort but they also knew how much I hurt.
The pain will never go away, but I understand what you are feeling and I know what it is like now to be human, but there are also two options: you can crawl into bed and cut off the whole world or you keep going, and honor the legacy of people who love you by doing what you were brought on this Earth to do. I chose the latter- doing what I was put on this Earth to do. Change the world.
I want to thank you for sharing this powerful story with everyone, especially this one with a neurodivergent challenge - autism -with with a clearer understanding and a deeper reflection of what grief is all about.
Thanks for sharing this, I going through something similar with a sibling and your story helps immensely.
Tawnya, this is so moving. Estrangement doesn't take away moments of past affection (as much as we might wish it did!). I'm sorry for the loss of potential resolution for you and her, and hope you keep finding comfort elsewhere.
I’m sorry for your loss. I thank you deeply for sharing the raw emotion and unanswerable questions that come from your experience. Your honesty helps ❤️
So good and raw. Thank you for sharing Tawnya!
I so appreciate your honesty in this post. I’m struggling too with sisters who were something else once upon a time. Thank you for posting this. I will undoubtedly read it many more times.
Just lovely writing.
Beautiful, painful and relatable. Love is so layered. I love how you write about her with truth at the forefront and let us feel the both the love and the pain, and the grief.
Wow. It's dangerous being "the favorite," isn't it? We can never be right.
Resonant and powerful and nuanced. I had a complicated relationship with my older sister. It helped when I came to the conclusion that no one actually designs their own personality. They try; they do some work or they don't. They heal or they don't. I wish you healing and peace, and I'm sorry for your loss, and the loss of decades that preceded it.
interesting that she didn't reach out after her diagnosis, or during her treatments, or ever. i wonder, if the shoe were on the other foot, would you have budged? i understand the complexities. good that you got it all down. now, i hope, you both can rest.
Hi there, I want to thank you for sharing your grief and your loss. I have not had the chance to write to you because I was going through the same thing as you. But I am of a different caliber, with your indulgence, I will now explain.
I am a 45-year-old person with a neurodivergent challenge, I did not know much about emotions because as a person born with a neurodivergent challenge called autism, you do not understand the meaning of emotions. As a young child I never cried when I was needed to have a diaper changed or was fed, etc. But as time progressed, and my mother told me the value of raw emotions, and the value of human life, I began to understand it. And it's because of my practice in the philosophy of Buddhism - Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism to be precise - I also had the support of people that cared about me and loved me enough to teach me all about this very thing: emotions.
You have to understand that the things they taught me, and especially more importantly the value of respecting people's lives and loving them, never prepared me for the day that I would actually feel until the very moment in October of 2025. I had just been in college for 3 years and this guy who was a great professor gave me an opportunity to be on the radio in my college as a volunteer DJ, he always made sure I had everything prepared and so much more, but he one day in March was not there and I didn't hear from him and I didn't know what in the world what was going on, I thought he had suffered depression but little did I know he was about to face a very very serious battle - glioblastoma - AKA brain cancer, and we all know what brain cancer is, something that can just take you out in the shortest of time. But my professor, like a tough bull, battled this gently cancer for 14 months and 26 days, almost 2 years, and we were all hoping against hope that he would fully get out of this nightmare so he could be back with us, little did I know it would be the last time I would see him in March of last year. We all saw him and we had really major hope that he would come back. I did not realize it would be a goodbye. The professor by the way was a man by the name of Ed Robinson at Felician University
I kept the station going for almost a year and 6 months while he was away, but all that time he knew I was really holding down the fort and really giving it my best. Finally, October 14th.... Even now as I think about it, I get absolute tears, he lost the battle to glioblastoma. I found out about it two days later when they told me. My world was shattered and I couldn't stop crying for days and days and days. It was the very first time that a man really who touched my life deeply, gave me the ultimate lesson - appreciate what you have today cuz you never know what tomorrow will bring.
Now it is almost 4 months since it's passing and there's not a day that goes by I do not think of him. And even when I go to the station, I know he's with me and with us who were touched by his life and lessons. But the person I think about most of all is his wife and kids and the friends who are still grief-stricken, they're a part of me too when I went to his wake and his service, they commended me for really holding down the fort but they also knew how much I hurt.
The pain will never go away, but I understand what you are feeling and I know what it is like now to be human, but there are also two options: you can crawl into bed and cut off the whole world or you keep going, and honor the legacy of people who love you by doing what you were brought on this Earth to do. I chose the latter- doing what I was put on this Earth to do. Change the world.
I want to thank you for sharing this powerful story with everyone, especially this one with a neurodivergent challenge - autism -with with a clearer understanding and a deeper reflection of what grief is all about.
Christopher Gagliardi