Emily Farris' 'I'll Just Be Five More Minutes: And Other Tales from My ADHD Brain' taught me the connection between dopamine, burnout, and my creative work and gave me professional camaraderie
I actually hate the whole notion of self promotion. Back when I started writing, I did it for the joy of self-expression. Getting paid was just an added bonus. Also, at that time publishers were much more invested in advancing their authors profile and used company funds to do so. Those days are over, unfortunately, and writers like me don't have a clue as how to navigate social media and other ways to boost interest in our work. So be it. Whatever happens, I still don't do much self-promotion. I trust the universe and enjoy any perks that may come my way.
Self promotion can definitely be a huge struggle and takes time away from creative work. I think it's a good thing that so many more books are being published in various ways since authors no longer have to wait for gatekeepers, but with more books out, it's harder to reach people. Which makes it a tricky situation and I think everyone has to follow the path that makes the most sense for them. There's no point in doing social media if you hate it, in my opinion.
I'm moved by your essay, Rachel. I have many of your anthologies. You work so hard on behalf of your authors and your publishers, who probably seem to take you for granted. Although your anthologies will be missed, I applaud you for letting them go when the passion's gone.
What you have written is validating for me. I kept on berating myself as the person who has held onto her manuscript for the longest time ever, five years, before finally earlier this month, submitting it to my publisher. And reflecting back now to those five years, my enthusiasm and passion for my book of poems waxed and waned as life, first-time author fear, not wanting to do the boring parts of finishing the manuscript and a host of other things were part of my writing journey.Thanks for int introducing me to Emily Farris' book/memoir which I look forward to read.
If you related to this, I think you'll get a lot out of Emily's book. It's written in such a refreshing way, where she documents her major struggles around career and money and life and how so many of them can be traced back to ADHD. I think the less we all beat ourselves up, the better off we are, but it's such a struggle. Best of luck in your journey, and I think the right creative projects find us at the right time(s).
I hear this! Going back to visit an old project after I'm mentally done with it is about as enticing as getting a tooth pulled sans anaesthetic. The beauty of ageing is a better understanding of what works for you AND what genuinely interests you. The job moving forward is to find your groove, based on what works for you, but just like you, I continuously find myself butting up against old ways of doing things and new knowledge. Sometimes (most of the time) the hardest thing is just letting go and giving myself a damn break. Thanks for reminding me, very much appreciated! P.S. I'm Audhd, a whole other can of worms :)
“Felt in many ways that it was written by my ghost.” Ugh. YES. I could have had such a bigger dance career if I’d ever been able to make myself keep pushing the Repeat Button on my dances that people loved most. Same dance, different song, different costume: 😳🙊🤢 Because like you described—I was just done with it and into the next obsession. I had no idea why until last year. So for 31 years of this career I’ve been clueless and “rebellious” while battling not to give in to the guilt that so many people would try to pressure me into about that. Any time I did commissions, revived a dance I was soooo over because it was requested, or had to adhere to some theme I wasn’t into…the art always suffered, and so did I. As such, so did my career.
Other VERY famous dancers world bemoan being pigeonholed and just wishing they could explore the way I do. But yeah. They’d have to give up their fame and money to do it. Because being a constant beginner while simultaneously hailed as a “mahhhstah” people want to learn from? Mmmph…leaves a lot of people disappointed and frustrated.
I honestly don’t know what to do about that, especially now understanding how the dopamine has always played a physiological and neurological part in it all. For me, I have 6 brain traumas on top of the ADHD and autism so…it is literally watching and reading ghosts of my previous selves.
As such, my writing is just…a mess that will probably go nowhere except on my 3 Substacks with my 3 readers. 🤣 It’s just me playing around in my sandbox since 1986. Which I find very sad. But I am neurologically incapable of sustaining what a #Real Pro Author/Dancer/Artist has to do. All that marketing rigamarole you described sounds like stabbing myself in the eyeballs with a knitting needle.
Understanding why it was always very difficult to do, even before heaping on Dain Bramage made it impossible—it’s relaxed so much of that inner chastising dialogue and the desire to whip myself “into proper shape, you slacker, you selfish hedonist, you head-tossing non-conformist rule bucker.”
Thank you for helping me understand some more layers of why. And for giving me some more defenses when The Guilts come a-creeping. From without, but especially from within. 🥰 I’m so glad you’re able to give yourself more grace and understanding, and I love to hear that you’re pursuing what lights you up NOW.
You never know with Substack. I think if you have writing that you want to share, it's worth sharing. I have a quote up on my wall from Ralph Waldo Emerson saying "To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; that is to have succeeded." And I truly believe that. Plus the beating ourselves up doesn't help us get more done (at least, in my case, and I think in most cases), it just makes us feel bad. Easier said than done to stop, though, right? I'm glad it was helpful to you.
That Emerson mindset is 100% the only thing that has kept me sharing my writing where other humans can find it for like…7 years. (I had a personal blog before I started writing here.) 🥰🤓🥰 And no. Beating myself up does me no good either. It took becoming a martial artist for me to learn how to stop doing that. Of all things. 🤣
What you have written is validating for me. I kept on berating myself as the person who has held onto her manuscript for the longest time ever, five years, before finally earlier this month, submitting it to my publisher. And reflecting back now to those five years, my enthusiasm and passion for my book of poems waxed and waned as life, first-time author fear, not wanting to do the boring parts of finishing the manuscript and a host of other things were part of my writing journey.Thanks for int introducing me to Emily Farris' book/memoir which I look forward to read.
I actually hate the whole notion of self promotion. Back when I started writing, I did it for the joy of self-expression. Getting paid was just an added bonus. Also, at that time publishers were much more invested in advancing their authors profile and used company funds to do so. Those days are over, unfortunately, and writers like me don't have a clue as how to navigate social media and other ways to boost interest in our work. So be it. Whatever happens, I still don't do much self-promotion. I trust the universe and enjoy any perks that may come my way.
Self promotion can definitely be a huge struggle and takes time away from creative work. I think it's a good thing that so many more books are being published in various ways since authors no longer have to wait for gatekeepers, but with more books out, it's harder to reach people. Which makes it a tricky situation and I think everyone has to follow the path that makes the most sense for them. There's no point in doing social media if you hate it, in my opinion.
The burn out, the juggling, the uphill battles - all feel so familiar - right now even! I'm taking the afternoon off. ;)
I'm not glad it's familiar to you but it's nice to know we're not alone, right? And an afternoon off sounds perfect!
Definitely - thanks Rachel
I'm moved by your essay, Rachel. I have many of your anthologies. You work so hard on behalf of your authors and your publishers, who probably seem to take you for granted. Although your anthologies will be missed, I applaud you for letting them go when the passion's gone.
What you have written is validating for me. I kept on berating myself as the person who has held onto her manuscript for the longest time ever, five years, before finally earlier this month, submitting it to my publisher. And reflecting back now to those five years, my enthusiasm and passion for my book of poems waxed and waned as life, first-time author fear, not wanting to do the boring parts of finishing the manuscript and a host of other things were part of my writing journey.Thanks for int introducing me to Emily Farris' book/memoir which I look forward to read.
If you related to this, I think you'll get a lot out of Emily's book. It's written in such a refreshing way, where she documents her major struggles around career and money and life and how so many of them can be traced back to ADHD. I think the less we all beat ourselves up, the better off we are, but it's such a struggle. Best of luck in your journey, and I think the right creative projects find us at the right time(s).
You're spot on with enormous guilt that becomes baggage. And I look forward to reading Emily book. Sounds right up my street
I hear this! Going back to visit an old project after I'm mentally done with it is about as enticing as getting a tooth pulled sans anaesthetic. The beauty of ageing is a better understanding of what works for you AND what genuinely interests you. The job moving forward is to find your groove, based on what works for you, but just like you, I continuously find myself butting up against old ways of doing things and new knowledge. Sometimes (most of the time) the hardest thing is just letting go and giving myself a damn break. Thanks for reminding me, very much appreciated! P.S. I'm Audhd, a whole other can of worms :)
Oh my goodness, so much of this speaks to me. Including the bit about taking my book on holiday/trips in case of photo opportunities...
“Felt in many ways that it was written by my ghost.” Ugh. YES. I could have had such a bigger dance career if I’d ever been able to make myself keep pushing the Repeat Button on my dances that people loved most. Same dance, different song, different costume: 😳🙊🤢 Because like you described—I was just done with it and into the next obsession. I had no idea why until last year. So for 31 years of this career I’ve been clueless and “rebellious” while battling not to give in to the guilt that so many people would try to pressure me into about that. Any time I did commissions, revived a dance I was soooo over because it was requested, or had to adhere to some theme I wasn’t into…the art always suffered, and so did I. As such, so did my career.
Other VERY famous dancers world bemoan being pigeonholed and just wishing they could explore the way I do. But yeah. They’d have to give up their fame and money to do it. Because being a constant beginner while simultaneously hailed as a “mahhhstah” people want to learn from? Mmmph…leaves a lot of people disappointed and frustrated.
I honestly don’t know what to do about that, especially now understanding how the dopamine has always played a physiological and neurological part in it all. For me, I have 6 brain traumas on top of the ADHD and autism so…it is literally watching and reading ghosts of my previous selves.
As such, my writing is just…a mess that will probably go nowhere except on my 3 Substacks with my 3 readers. 🤣 It’s just me playing around in my sandbox since 1986. Which I find very sad. But I am neurologically incapable of sustaining what a #Real Pro Author/Dancer/Artist has to do. All that marketing rigamarole you described sounds like stabbing myself in the eyeballs with a knitting needle.
Understanding why it was always very difficult to do, even before heaping on Dain Bramage made it impossible—it’s relaxed so much of that inner chastising dialogue and the desire to whip myself “into proper shape, you slacker, you selfish hedonist, you head-tossing non-conformist rule bucker.”
Thank you for helping me understand some more layers of why. And for giving me some more defenses when The Guilts come a-creeping. From without, but especially from within. 🥰 I’m so glad you’re able to give yourself more grace and understanding, and I love to hear that you’re pursuing what lights you up NOW.
You never know with Substack. I think if you have writing that you want to share, it's worth sharing. I have a quote up on my wall from Ralph Waldo Emerson saying "To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; that is to have succeeded." And I truly believe that. Plus the beating ourselves up doesn't help us get more done (at least, in my case, and I think in most cases), it just makes us feel bad. Easier said than done to stop, though, right? I'm glad it was helpful to you.
That Emerson mindset is 100% the only thing that has kept me sharing my writing where other humans can find it for like…7 years. (I had a personal blog before I started writing here.) 🥰🤓🥰 And no. Beating myself up does me no good either. It took becoming a martial artist for me to learn how to stop doing that. Of all things. 🤣
What you have written is validating for me. I kept on berating myself as the person who has held onto her manuscript for the longest time ever, five years, before finally earlier this month, submitting it to my publisher. And reflecting back now to those five years, my enthusiasm and passion for my book of poems waxed and waned as life, first-time author fear, not wanting to do the boring parts of finishing the manuscript and a host of other things were part of my writing journey.Thanks for int introducing me to Emily Farris' book/memoir which I look forward to read.