Dear Daddy Advice Column April 2025: I Have an OnlyFans Account and Don't Know Whether to Tell My Boyfriend About It
Our advice columnist on relationship boundaries, introducing a current partner to an ex, and whether you're obligated to reveal your OnlyFans status to someone you're dating
Dear Daddy,
When I lost my job during COVID, I decided to give OnlyFans a try. I posted some pictures, and I made a little money, but it was hard to keep up with, and after I got another job, I stopped posting. After a little while I deleted the account. Sometimes I think it would be fun to try again, even just as a way to express my sexuality, but the problem is my new boyfriend “John.”
John doesn’t know about the OnlyFans, and I’m not sure he would approve of it. He can be a little jealous. I understand it because he said he was cheated on a few times, but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t trust me even though I haven’t done anything wrong.
For example, there is a good friend of mine, “Paul,” who I slept with a couple of times years ago. We ultimately realized it wasn’t going to work out but we wanted to stay friends. John met Paul, and I told John afterward that we had slept together, and he exploded. He said it was inappropriate to still be friends with Paul, and that I had insulted him by introducing them without telling him the truth.
I don’t think John will react well if I tell him I tried OnlyFans, and I really don’t think he will be happy about me wanting to reactivate the account. But I feel dishonest now not telling him these things, especially with how he reacted to Paul. Do you have any advice on the best way to handle this?
—Former Only Fans Girl
Dear FOFG,
Yes, my advice is to dump John.
There are a couple of red flags here, and I think you see them, but sometimes it helps to watch someone else plant them in the ground...
The fact that you’re afraid to have the conversation with John says you don’t feel safe around him. That right there is a big one. He’s not creating an environment of safety and trust.
And your use of the word “exploded” really gives me pause. That’s not the kind of situation where an explosion is warranted. Frankly, it’s hard for me to think of any situation where an explosion is warranted.
When you enter into an adult relationship, you are acknowledging the fact that the person you are dating has had sexual partners and sexual experiences that predate your connection. And some dudes are real fucking babies about that kind of thing.
It’s not inappropriate to maintain a friendship with someone you previously had sex with. If anything, I consider that a green flag. You connected intimately, you had an adult conversation, you left it on good terms, you were able to remain friends. Those are all very nice things!
I’ll concede one thing to John (though I still think he’s being a baby): It is nice to know, going into an interaction, that the person I’m spending time with was previously intimate with my current partner.
It’s not a huge deal. The thing about dating someone is: you have entrée to their present, and maybe their future, but you have no right to their past. What they choose to share with you, what they choose to do with you—that’s your call, and your comfort level. So if you chose not to tell him about Paul, ultimately that’s fine.
I’ve been in situations where I’ve been dating people, and later found out a person we hung out with was a former sexual partner. Ten time out of ten it just puts the pieces together for me—I tend to be pretty intuitive, and you can’t not have some kind of vibe with someone you once fucked.
It’s not upsetting for me to find out later, I’m just a fan of context.
John, meanwhile, seems to be leaning into a toxically masculine space. You insulted him? Give me a break.
I’m never felt insulted in those situations, and had my partners never told me, and I’d been left to wonder, well, that’s fine too. Because it’s not my business.
As for the OnlyFans: if he doesn’t approve, well…he doesn’t have to. It’s your time, it’s your body, it’s your comfort level. His approval is not required. He doesn’t have to like it, but that’s a him problem, not a you problem. If he doesn’t want to date someone who has an OnlyFans account, then he can go date someone who doesn’t have an OnlyFans account.
But also, John needs to get his shit together. Maybe his reaction wasn’t as strong as you made it sound, maybe he’s worth another shot, but right now, he’s behind the 8-ball. Whatever chance he gets, he’s going to need to earn.
You didn’t cheat on him. Someone else did. It’s not your job to carry that trauma for him.
My final bit of advice is: If “exploded” really is an accurate descriptor of his behavior, have whatever conversation you’re going to have with him in a public place, or with a friend in the next room.
Have a life or work or sex or dating question that’s causing you some consternation? Email advice columnist Daddy at deardaddyopensecrets@gmail.com. You can also follow him on Bluesky at deardaddyos.bsky.social.
Really enjoyed reading your sound advice
Spot on.