Fuck off is such an appropriate comment when people try to manage their feelings about your health in front of you. When people eye my walker like it’s something I got that they didn’t, I think, “You’re fully welcome to have nine ankle fractures, a knee surgery, two hip surgeries, and an ultra rare bone fragility diagnosis. Then you, too, can pay out of pocket for something that makes the day livable.” Sending healthy vibes your way!!
Thank you for writing about this so honestly. People so often say the wrong thing. I say the wrong thing. I’m sorry for the loss of your boobs. It must be so traumatic. I would say I can only imagine… But I can’t imagine.
I had stage one breast cancer so I was one of the “lucky” ones. But my cancer was also estrogen and progesterone positive —and then a maternal aunt died of ovarian cancer. So two years later, goodbye ovaries, hello menopause and hot flash misery. At the time I had one miracle bio baby age 12 and an adopted son who was then 4. It was a challenging time.
But time moves on and we do heal. That is the miracle. Today is a beautiful spring day here in Virginia. The sun is shining and the daffodils are blooming. Another miracle. I wish you wonder and beauty on your journey, and continued good health. ❤️
My favorite card said “well doesn’t this SUCK”.. yup. As much as I miss my nice body I miss my mobility which I lost to neuropathy in my legs, to walk on the beach or hike in the woods behind my house again, to ride my bike. Cancer has no redeeming qualities and for someone to even start a sentence with that premise yeah fuck off. And fuck off to any advice. I am a real ball breaker here on substack when people begin their exhortations for cancer folk to excercise. Yeah before I COULD EXCERCISE NOW I CAN”T. Because of cancer duh. It brings down the whole vibe I get it. Same with maintain a healthy weight… ok I WAS a healthy weight before cancer treatment and drugs. So fuck off. Thank you for your reminder of how good that actually feels. And just to let you know, I miss your boobs terribly too. They were great boobs.
Wow, I hear you! I'm so sorry you experienced this trauma and unimaginable loss.
Many people just don't get it. They mean well, but if it hasn't happened to them, some can't possibly understand the grief and rage.
I had a mini-stroke a few days after my 70th birthday, spent a week in ICU, then a month in a rehabilitation center. When nurses and therapists started saying how lucky I was I wanted to strangle them all. In fact, I told one my luck ran out.
I came to accept the old adage, it could be worse. My brain functions and I recovered.
I like your "tell it like it is" style of writing! Thank you.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate Every. Single. Word. of this. I want to print it out, tape it to my forehead and visit the people I couldn’t tell to fuck off either. Including the friend (who is also a therapist…) that constantly tells me I *could* spend my time instead being grateful it ‘isn’t all over my body’. Other friends have included how the 20inch scar across my belly ‘doesn’t matter’ because it’s how I ‘feel inside’. And don’t even on the ‘I know how you feel because my *insert relative* had it’. I’m a writer, I’ve written about it, I’m 2y down the line and ok (🤞) but I almost wept reading this. Thank you. All power to you xxxxx
I love this: "Playing the it-could-be-worse game has no winners. I don’t need a spectator turning my grief into a compassion competition. Just repeat back to me what I say, like 'Yes, this does suck' or 'Yes, this is hard' or 'Yes, I miss your boobs too.' Be my hype man."
I love you and it really does suck and it also sucks that people don't just say "yes it does suck"!
I miss my boobs too. The second time around did not afford me the choice of reconstruction; radiated tissue is a bitch. I could never have imagined how much I would miss my boobs so I try and remind myself of this when well-intentioned folks don’t understand the impact of their comments. They likely could never imagine it either. Thanks for your honest, refreshing voice. Much love to you on this journey of acceptance. Life is disappointing.
Lots of love right back to you! And not sure if it’s helpful or an option for you but, if you want to talk privately about how I was able to get reconstruction from flat radiated tissue let me know.
Yes, yes, yes. I chose to go flat after mastectomy but this is still so relatable. I could have gone for implants, DIEP flap, or a flat chest and I'd still miss my original breasts. They were the shit. I hope they forgive me for not appreciating them before they ended up in the hospital dumpster.
Preach it, fellow Giulia! I really fucking miss my boobs too. Thanks for writing and sharing this, I really relate and feel seen. I always say cancer is the shittiest club to join, but it has some of the best people in it.
This is just so so good! Having suffered it, I bite my lips over, "At least you're not . . ." but I still have the urge to say it. You have to go there to learn not to, I guess.
Yeah😞. I felt every word, almost to tears. Even though I still have one breast, it was reconstructed (that “free boob job!” (UGH)) to supposedly match the other during a lumpectomy that later turned into a total mastectomy, so nothing’s the same anymore! Nothing feels like me. I feel like a kid going through adolescence trying to figure out what my body is going to do next. I look in the mirror and wonder who I am looking at? Grief mixed with anger and frustration. It’s a lot. Thank you for putting your thoughts and feelings so wonderfully into words that resonate perfectly!
Yes, I am grateful to be alive. Yes, I am grateful that I don’t have to go through chemo. I am not grateful that I have cancer and learned some great mysteries of the universe. I’ve learned a lot of lessons in my life already, thank you very much.
I am very fortunate that so far I have not had well meaning (but are they, really?) people giving me those tired words of “encouragement” that you have penned here. Most of my tribe are pretty well versed in trauma informed, trauma sensitive interaction, and for that I am extremely grateful. They even know how to offer me space, so are not in my face all the time. It’s pretty great. This has offered me the opportunity to experience them in action, doing what they do best. I only hope I can do the same for others when the need arises.
In the meantime, more surgery and treatments and I will tell cancer to fuck off (and keep some extra fuck offs in my back pocket in case I need them for later!) 💗
Thank you for the kind words and sending you lots of strength & love! My whole newsletter is about this stuff- I went from temp implants to flat to flap, happy to answer any questions you may have as you rebuild and heal.
Thank you! I may take you up on that generous invitation after I’ve completed the radiation treatments later this summer. I’ll already have my implant at that point and will be starting to think about how much I’m ready to be rid of it! 😆
Fuck off is such an appropriate comment when people try to manage their feelings about your health in front of you. When people eye my walker like it’s something I got that they didn’t, I think, “You’re fully welcome to have nine ankle fractures, a knee surgery, two hip surgeries, and an ultra rare bone fragility diagnosis. Then you, too, can pay out of pocket for something that makes the day livable.” Sending healthy vibes your way!!
Thank you and sending healthy vibes right back at ya!
Thank you for writing about this so honestly. People so often say the wrong thing. I say the wrong thing. I’m sorry for the loss of your boobs. It must be so traumatic. I would say I can only imagine… But I can’t imagine.
I had stage one breast cancer so I was one of the “lucky” ones. But my cancer was also estrogen and progesterone positive —and then a maternal aunt died of ovarian cancer. So two years later, goodbye ovaries, hello menopause and hot flash misery. At the time I had one miracle bio baby age 12 and an adopted son who was then 4. It was a challenging time.
But time moves on and we do heal. That is the miracle. Today is a beautiful spring day here in Virginia. The sun is shining and the daffodils are blooming. Another miracle. I wish you wonder and beauty on your journey, and continued good health. ❤️
Thank you! And also wishing you wonder and beauty and continued good health.
My favorite card said “well doesn’t this SUCK”.. yup. As much as I miss my nice body I miss my mobility which I lost to neuropathy in my legs, to walk on the beach or hike in the woods behind my house again, to ride my bike. Cancer has no redeeming qualities and for someone to even start a sentence with that premise yeah fuck off. And fuck off to any advice. I am a real ball breaker here on substack when people begin their exhortations for cancer folk to excercise. Yeah before I COULD EXCERCISE NOW I CAN”T. Because of cancer duh. It brings down the whole vibe I get it. Same with maintain a healthy weight… ok I WAS a healthy weight before cancer treatment and drugs. So fuck off. Thank you for your reminder of how good that actually feels. And just to let you know, I miss your boobs terribly too. They were great boobs.
Thank you and sending you love & healing xo
Wow, I hear you! I'm so sorry you experienced this trauma and unimaginable loss.
Many people just don't get it. They mean well, but if it hasn't happened to them, some can't possibly understand the grief and rage.
I had a mini-stroke a few days after my 70th birthday, spent a week in ICU, then a month in a rehabilitation center. When nurses and therapists started saying how lucky I was I wanted to strangle them all. In fact, I told one my luck ran out.
I came to accept the old adage, it could be worse. My brain functions and I recovered.
I like your "tell it like it is" style of writing! Thank you.
Thank you and I'm glad you survived!
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate Every. Single. Word. of this. I want to print it out, tape it to my forehead and visit the people I couldn’t tell to fuck off either. Including the friend (who is also a therapist…) that constantly tells me I *could* spend my time instead being grateful it ‘isn’t all over my body’. Other friends have included how the 20inch scar across my belly ‘doesn’t matter’ because it’s how I ‘feel inside’. And don’t even on the ‘I know how you feel because my *insert relative* had it’. I’m a writer, I’ve written about it, I’m 2y down the line and ok (🤞) but I almost wept reading this. Thank you. All power to you xxxxx
Thank you! And all the power to you as well 💗
Dear Giulia,
Great piece.
I love this: "Playing the it-could-be-worse game has no winners. I don’t need a spectator turning my grief into a compassion competition. Just repeat back to me what I say, like 'Yes, this does suck' or 'Yes, this is hard' or 'Yes, I miss your boobs too.' Be my hype man."
I love you and it really does suck and it also sucks that people don't just say "yes it does suck"!
Love
Myq
Thank you so much
I miss my boobs too. The second time around did not afford me the choice of reconstruction; radiated tissue is a bitch. I could never have imagined how much I would miss my boobs so I try and remind myself of this when well-intentioned folks don’t understand the impact of their comments. They likely could never imagine it either. Thanks for your honest, refreshing voice. Much love to you on this journey of acceptance. Life is disappointing.
Lots of love right back to you! And not sure if it’s helpful or an option for you but, if you want to talk privately about how I was able to get reconstruction from flat radiated tissue let me know.
So. Well. Said. Brava!
Yes, yes, yes. I chose to go flat after mastectomy but this is still so relatable. I could have gone for implants, DIEP flap, or a flat chest and I'd still miss my original breasts. They were the shit. I hope they forgive me for not appreciating them before they ended up in the hospital dumpster.
It’s a wild ride, isn’t it. Glad you’re ok xo
i'm sorry about your boobs. they sound like they were great boobs.
Michelle!! It’s been so long! And thank you. xo
💕💕💕💕
Nothing worse than gratuitous advice … “fuck off” really works a treat. Thank you for sharing, all the best to yoy 🙏💖
Thank you xo
Preach it, fellow Giulia! I really fucking miss my boobs too. Thanks for writing and sharing this, I really relate and feel seen. I always say cancer is the shittiest club to join, but it has some of the best people in it.
I am pissed off on your behalf at these stupid idiots. I’m sorry about your boobs. It just sucks.
Thank you xo
This is just so so good! Having suffered it, I bite my lips over, "At least you're not . . ." but I still have the urge to say it. You have to go there to learn not to, I guess.
Thank you and agreed, I’ve def said “at least…” in the past as well. xo
Yeah😞. I felt every word, almost to tears. Even though I still have one breast, it was reconstructed (that “free boob job!” (UGH)) to supposedly match the other during a lumpectomy that later turned into a total mastectomy, so nothing’s the same anymore! Nothing feels like me. I feel like a kid going through adolescence trying to figure out what my body is going to do next. I look in the mirror and wonder who I am looking at? Grief mixed with anger and frustration. It’s a lot. Thank you for putting your thoughts and feelings so wonderfully into words that resonate perfectly!
Yes, I am grateful to be alive. Yes, I am grateful that I don’t have to go through chemo. I am not grateful that I have cancer and learned some great mysteries of the universe. I’ve learned a lot of lessons in my life already, thank you very much.
I am very fortunate that so far I have not had well meaning (but are they, really?) people giving me those tired words of “encouragement” that you have penned here. Most of my tribe are pretty well versed in trauma informed, trauma sensitive interaction, and for that I am extremely grateful. They even know how to offer me space, so are not in my face all the time. It’s pretty great. This has offered me the opportunity to experience them in action, doing what they do best. I only hope I can do the same for others when the need arises.
In the meantime, more surgery and treatments and I will tell cancer to fuck off (and keep some extra fuck offs in my back pocket in case I need them for later!) 💗
Thank you for the kind words and sending you lots of strength & love! My whole newsletter is about this stuff- I went from temp implants to flat to flap, happy to answer any questions you may have as you rebuild and heal.
Thank you! I may take you up on that generous invitation after I’ve completed the radiation treatments later this summer. I’ll already have my implant at that point and will be starting to think about how much I’m ready to be rid of it! 😆