Your writing is so good. Reading it was so difficult. You did the thing that a great writer does. I was right there in your experience thinking of mine. The other thing is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you and me and all of the girls and boys out there - we grow up with such awful stories about ourselves. Thank you for having the courage to share yours. And that smile in your photo seems to say you got it!
Oh, man...did I *feel* this one. Without going into detail the "I was a can of instant biscuits, busting out" was apt. And still is. And yet, I scrolled through the Gap website the other day in need of some new t-shirts and maybe a bathing suit (the horror!) and tiny, skinny women page after page showed me I probably wouldn't find what I was looking for there. But I showed them...I held my breath and chose a pair of jeans and then, having no idea where I would wear such a thing, I plopped a bright red one-piece bathing suit into my cart. And I didn't remove it before I pressed "Buy."
You did it you did it you did it! You are the bravest writer! Bravo a million times! I can’t wait to read it and to give away the seven extra copies that I bought for the women in my life. Love you to the moon and back. Congratulations!
I agree with the others. Great essay! So sad that we can all relate so well to it. I remember that ad and the pinch that appalled me. You put us all there again.
Absolutely fabulous. And I agree with Thea Sommer and Cindy Eastman: your writing is so good we can FEEL it, and feel for twelve-year-old you and the desperation and hopes that advertising uses so shamelessly. Brilliantly relatable. Brava.
So many thanks for reading. Please do check out DON'T BUY WHAT I'M SELLING for much, much more about all of this. (I fear this sounds like a sales pitch.)
This resonated with me! I was an early-puberty gal, with overflowing bra cups, always towering over my peers. I was put on my first diet at age 8, forever changing my body chemistry, causing lifelong struggles. I had a yellow leotard which I wore as a cheerleader in 3rd or 4th grade, which sounds so similar to your white one, both in my momentary self-perception and the public reception that didn’t match my internal story. I’ve lived my entire life as a zaftig Amazonian woman, despite years of trying to shrink. It’s crazy how hard it is to accept the body we are born with, even as that body wins races, pushes out children, creates amazing things. I did hear a doctor talking about a study where thigh size determines longevity better than any other predictor and today I’m feeling pretty chuffed at knowing I’ll outlive most of society. 😃😃
Too many lines to highlight and love here! Just SO freaking awesome. Wow. So glad you published this here so that now I know who you are and can read more of your work and share it with the world. Also I'm going to print this out and learn from it. Thank you for your brainz.
Oh my goodness the Princess Diana haircut part took me straight back!
Isn’t it crazy the little comments people make when we are young that we never forget. I bet that hairdresser had no idea those few words would still be remembered all these years later.
I think so many of us grew up with magazines and adverts telling us we weren’t quite right. Too much of this, not enough of that.
It’s taken me years to realise that the bits that make us different are usually the best bits.
Spectacularly written -- so fucking vivid and heartbreaking with a side of edgy badassery lurking just beneath the surface. I am SO looking forward to reading the book and sharing it with the world (or, you know, the corners I inhabit). Wishing you all the success on the planet, dear Lu! xx
Oh my goodness I see myself in this so much. Thank you for sharing how being a fat young girl feels. I'm close to tears. That little girl still walks beside me.
Great writing! It's pathetic that the media continues to promote stick thin people in the 21st century that very few girls and boys can immolate.
My own sister suffered vile comments from our parents when she gained weight after a traumatic break-up with her hs sweetheart. Thinking back she weighed about 150 which is low by today's standards. Everyone deserves to celebrate themselves completely. Congrats on publishing your book with one of the top 5!
I felt that piece. That was me too once I hit puberty. I deeply remember the Special K "can't pinch and inch" and how I could always pinch at least an inch, unless I only grabbed my skin. The body shame messages were everywhere, still are everywhere. I am so grateful I have grown out of any fucks I could give to them.
Your writing is so good. Reading it was so difficult. You did the thing that a great writer does. I was right there in your experience thinking of mine. The other thing is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you and me and all of the girls and boys out there - we grow up with such awful stories about ourselves. Thank you for having the courage to share yours. And that smile in your photo seems to say you got it!
Thank you for reading and reflecting! We were never alone. <3
Oh, man...did I *feel* this one. Without going into detail the "I was a can of instant biscuits, busting out" was apt. And still is. And yet, I scrolled through the Gap website the other day in need of some new t-shirts and maybe a bathing suit (the horror!) and tiny, skinny women page after page showed me I probably wouldn't find what I was looking for there. But I showed them...I held my breath and chose a pair of jeans and then, having no idea where I would wear such a thing, I plopped a bright red one-piece bathing suit into my cart. And I didn't remove it before I pressed "Buy."
You did it you did it you did it! You are the bravest writer! Bravo a million times! I can’t wait to read it and to give away the seven extra copies that I bought for the women in my life. Love you to the moon and back. Congratulations!
Thank you, Al!
I agree with the others. Great essay! So sad that we can all relate so well to it. I remember that ad and the pinch that appalled me. You put us all there again.
Sorry you were there too. <3 Thank you for reading.
Absolutely fabulous. And I agree with Thea Sommer and Cindy Eastman: your writing is so good we can FEEL it, and feel for twelve-year-old you and the desperation and hopes that advertising uses so shamelessly. Brilliantly relatable. Brava.
So many thanks for reading. Please do check out DON'T BUY WHAT I'M SELLING for much, much more about all of this. (I fear this sounds like a sales pitch.)
This resonated with me! I was an early-puberty gal, with overflowing bra cups, always towering over my peers. I was put on my first diet at age 8, forever changing my body chemistry, causing lifelong struggles. I had a yellow leotard which I wore as a cheerleader in 3rd or 4th grade, which sounds so similar to your white one, both in my momentary self-perception and the public reception that didn’t match my internal story. I’ve lived my entire life as a zaftig Amazonian woman, despite years of trying to shrink. It’s crazy how hard it is to accept the body we are born with, even as that body wins races, pushes out children, creates amazing things. I did hear a doctor talking about a study where thigh size determines longevity better than any other predictor and today I’m feeling pretty chuffed at knowing I’ll outlive most of society. 😃😃
Yes! Outlive them all!
Hi so relatable. I actually write a piece last year on my dysfunctional relationship with my body. Growing up in the eighties has a lot to do with it
https://ellabe.substack.com/p/my-41-year-battle-with-my-body?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=4jszre
Too many lines to highlight and love here! Just SO freaking awesome. Wow. So glad you published this here so that now I know who you are and can read more of your work and share it with the world. Also I'm going to print this out and learn from it. Thank you for your brainz.
Oh my goodness the Princess Diana haircut part took me straight back!
Isn’t it crazy the little comments people make when we are young that we never forget. I bet that hairdresser had no idea those few words would still be remembered all these years later.
I think so many of us grew up with magazines and adverts telling us we weren’t quite right. Too much of this, not enough of that.
It’s taken me years to realise that the bits that make us different are usually the best bits.
Thank you for sharing this 🌹
Thank you for reading.
Beautifully written and heartbreaking. Thank you.
Mazel tov on your pub day!
Thank you, Nancy! You were an OG supporter when I dipped my toes here years ago! Appreciate your kindness!
Spectacularly written -- so fucking vivid and heartbreaking with a side of edgy badassery lurking just beneath the surface. I am SO looking forward to reading the book and sharing it with the world (or, you know, the corners I inhabit). Wishing you all the success on the planet, dear Lu! xx
Thank you so, so much for all your kind support.
Oh my goodness I see myself in this so much. Thank you for sharing how being a fat young girl feels. I'm close to tears. That little girl still walks beside me.
Same here too. I wrote my book for her, honestly. <3
Great writing! It's pathetic that the media continues to promote stick thin people in the 21st century that very few girls and boys can immolate.
My own sister suffered vile comments from our parents when she gained weight after a traumatic break-up with her hs sweetheart. Thinking back she weighed about 150 which is low by today's standards. Everyone deserves to celebrate themselves completely. Congrats on publishing your book with one of the top 5!
Thanks!
Great vivid writing! As a single, six foot woman I may need to call myself a spinster giantess from now on!
I felt that piece. That was me too once I hit puberty. I deeply remember the Special K "can't pinch and inch" and how I could always pinch at least an inch, unless I only grabbed my skin. The body shame messages were everywhere, still are everywhere. I am so grateful I have grown out of any fucks I could give to them.