Thank you for such an honest and vulnerable story. I'm raising a son with ADHD, and he also has the hyperfocus, along with hyperactivity. It was challenging until he got diagnosed just a few months ago, and while it's still challenging, knowing that it's not his fault has helped a lot. We're still navigating and finding ways to support him better, but your story gives me hope.
For a person with late diagnosed ADHD, this was such a hard but moving read. Somewhere I felt guilty about the frustration I must have caused my loved ones, especially my mother. She also passed away from cancer and I was her primary caregiver. There is so much to relate in this piece and I share this pain in strange ways but also I feel grateful that I had someone who loved me so sincerely. I am sure the writer does too. Thank you for being vulnerable enough for sharing this story. It is moving, painful, powerful and hopeful at the same time.
Lori - I finally found some time to read this post. To get to know more of your story makes me admire you even more than I had already.
Having two grandsons and a son-in-law who live with ADHD, I thank you for putting a realistic and compassionate view of how ADHD individuals and their families struggle, yet can still find a way to move through this world together with understanding and success.
Thank you for this lovely heartfelt piece. I have family members with ADHD. I witness the challenges they endure daily when people don’t understand how their brains work—brilliant and brave. We are fortunate that there is so much ADHD awareness today and it’s no longer thought of as a negative. It truly is a superpower.
I too recognized aspects of my relationship in this. Your way of telling it is compassionate, relatable, vulnerable, and ultimately heartbreaking — I held back tears to get through it. Thank you for sharing this story.
Thank you for this. I was also married to a neurodivergent man and a lot of what you experienced resonates deeply (in our case, the relationship did not survive - I have no idea if it would have been different if he had been diagnosed and we understood each other better). It is rare to read this perspective - to feel validated in the deep loneliness and frustration and sadness - thank you.
Beautifully written, heartbreaking and honest. My partner was bipolar, so this resonates about the differences in what were important to me and important to him, and I have grandsons "on the spectrum"... I especially felt the toll of caregiving and the loss when you might have had more tools to cope for both of you. My heartfelt condolences.
This is a powerful essay. Your exploration of caregiving and neurodivergence is poignant but also very informative. Very sorry to hear of the heartbreak but so glad your son has benefitted from greater understanding.
This is a beautiful essay. Lori, and I can see from the comments how much your words are resonating with readers. I’m sorry you didn’t have more time with your husband.
What a lovely essay. I also have a son with ADHD and husband who shares many of the same traits. I can relate so much to the push/pull between love, admiration, frustration, and resentment. I’m sorry you didn’t have more time. It sounds like you were both committed to working it out and finding the (ever precarious) balance. You both sound great!
P.S. I read Murakami’s book last summer and loved it too!
Thank you for such an honest and vulnerable story. I'm raising a son with ADHD, and he also has the hyperfocus, along with hyperactivity. It was challenging until he got diagnosed just a few months ago, and while it's still challenging, knowing that it's not his fault has helped a lot. We're still navigating and finding ways to support him better, but your story gives me hope.
Thank you, Tiffany. Sending all best wishes as you navigate!
For a person with late diagnosed ADHD, this was such a hard but moving read. Somewhere I felt guilty about the frustration I must have caused my loved ones, especially my mother. She also passed away from cancer and I was her primary caregiver. There is so much to relate in this piece and I share this pain in strange ways but also I feel grateful that I had someone who loved me so sincerely. I am sure the writer does too. Thank you for being vulnerable enough for sharing this story. It is moving, painful, powerful and hopeful at the same time.
Thank you, Rohini. I am sorry for the loss of your mother. To have that kind of love really is a gift.
Lori - I finally found some time to read this post. To get to know more of your story makes me admire you even more than I had already.
Having two grandsons and a son-in-law who live with ADHD, I thank you for putting a realistic and compassionate view of how ADHD individuals and their families struggle, yet can still find a way to move through this world together with understanding and success.
Thank you, Pat. Much love!
Thank you for this lovely heartfelt piece. I have family members with ADHD. I witness the challenges they endure daily when people don’t understand how their brains work—brilliant and brave. We are fortunate that there is so much ADHD awareness today and it’s no longer thought of as a negative. It truly is a superpower.
Thank you, Andrea! I agree!
Thank you for sharing this—a loving tribute to your husband and marriage with all its imperfections.
Thank you, Lisa.
Beautiful and painful Lori 💛
Thank you, Jocelyn.
I too recognized aspects of my relationship in this. Your way of telling it is compassionate, relatable, vulnerable, and ultimately heartbreaking — I held back tears to get through it. Thank you for sharing this story.
Thank you, Anthony. There's not much greater a gift to an essayist than feedback like this. Greatly appreciated.
I recognized my own relationships in your piece. Thank you for writing it.
Thank you, Natasha. I'm glad this was relatable.
Thank you for this. I was also married to a neurodivergent man and a lot of what you experienced resonates deeply (in our case, the relationship did not survive - I have no idea if it would have been different if he had been diagnosed and we understood each other better). It is rare to read this perspective - to feel validated in the deep loneliness and frustration and sadness - thank you.
Thank you, Rachel. I'm so glad this piece resonated. I so appreciate your note.
Beautifully written, heartbreaking and honest. My partner was bipolar, so this resonates about the differences in what were important to me and important to him, and I have grandsons "on the spectrum"... I especially felt the toll of caregiving and the loss when you might have had more tools to cope for both of you. My heartfelt condolences.
Thank you, Wendy.
This is a powerful essay. Your exploration of caregiving and neurodivergence is poignant but also very informative. Very sorry to hear of the heartbreak but so glad your son has benefitted from greater understanding.
Thank you, Vincent.
What a beautiful and heartbreaking story, Lori. Much love to you. xo
Thanks, Maureen. Right back to you! <3
It's a very moving piece that helped me to reflect on undiagnosed neurodivergence my own family (but I won't bore you with the details... ; ) )
Thank you, Pia!
What a glorious piece. Thank you Lori does not cover my gratitude. Biggest of hugs. And much admiration.
Thank you, Danusia. Sending hugs back to you!
This is a beautiful essay. Lori, and I can see from the comments how much your words are resonating with readers. I’m sorry you didn’t have more time with your husband.
Thank you, Sarah.
What a lovely essay. I also have a son with ADHD and husband who shares many of the same traits. I can relate so much to the push/pull between love, admiration, frustration, and resentment. I’m sorry you didn’t have more time. It sounds like you were both committed to working it out and finding the (ever precarious) balance. You both sound great!
P.S. I read Murakami’s book last summer and loved it too!
Thank you, Justine.