You’ve put words to my conundrum of how to see and adapt from knowing the parent who was a violent tormentor to one who becomes loving. The fear lives deeply embedded while the heart risks opening to and accepting the latest version.
Thank you for writing this, Tammi, I am grateful as a writer to know that conundrum came through; as a survivor, I relate to the struggle your describe of living with that deeply embedded fear. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for reading, too.
As a son writing a memoir about my own father, this piece really spoke to me. I've interviewed my father too, his trauma history looms large, and the way I relate to him as an adult is very different than in childhood. So these themes were really resonant, and I admire the way you hold a multitude of perspectives and emotions even in this brief excerpt. Thank you for sharing it!
Thanks for reading, @antprovidence, and sharing about interviewing your dad. A theme in War Boys is how the process of interviewing him shifted our relationship, softened it. But it also opened my dad up--being able to talk about his trauma. I wonder, did interviewing your dad lead to any changes in him? I subscribed to your substack, and look forward to learning more about your work there.
Thank you! Our interviews so far have been about properties and communities he was involved in building: safe stuff. I'm in the process of gently opening new conversations about the trauma (an accident and injury in my childhood) as well as the fact that I am writing directly about it. I've written the way I experienced it second-hand, a way of preserving my own impressions before I learn more. But I've not yet asked, "How did it feel?" I think we are ready to go there, soon. Your piece gives me encouragement. 🙏
The line that stopped me: "once you make a friend and that person dies from the bombs, you stop making friends." A whole life's guardedness in one plain sentence. And then Volodya to Wolfgang to Władysław to Walter, each name a thing the world made him become. I write my own way through what fathers carry and pass down without meaning to, and you found the harder version of it here. Thank you for waiting him out for the feeling. Thanks for sharing💙
It's impossible to fathom how a person can go in an instant from having a "normal" life - family, home, comforts...to, in an instant, having to deal with profound grief, despair, anger amidst sheer day-to-day survival. It's a wonder your dad could even function. Guessing your book goes more into detail about how he was, growing up. Powerful essay; thank you for sharing.
@SouthpawDE, it is unfathomable to me, too, how my dad's life changed overnight and I had that thought many times myself, after interviewing him: how did he function after all of this? Especially in a time when PTSD and mental health were far less considered. Thanks for reading the excerpt.
You’ve put words to my conundrum of how to see and adapt from knowing the parent who was a violent tormentor to one who becomes loving. The fear lives deeply embedded while the heart risks opening to and accepting the latest version.
Thank you for writing this, Tammi, I am grateful as a writer to know that conundrum came through; as a survivor, I relate to the struggle your describe of living with that deeply embedded fear. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for reading, too.
As a son writing a memoir about my own father, this piece really spoke to me. I've interviewed my father too, his trauma history looms large, and the way I relate to him as an adult is very different than in childhood. So these themes were really resonant, and I admire the way you hold a multitude of perspectives and emotions even in this brief excerpt. Thank you for sharing it!
Thanks for reading, @antprovidence, and sharing about interviewing your dad. A theme in War Boys is how the process of interviewing him shifted our relationship, softened it. But it also opened my dad up--being able to talk about his trauma. I wonder, did interviewing your dad lead to any changes in him? I subscribed to your substack, and look forward to learning more about your work there.
Thank you! Our interviews so far have been about properties and communities he was involved in building: safe stuff. I'm in the process of gently opening new conversations about the trauma (an accident and injury in my childhood) as well as the fact that I am writing directly about it. I've written the way I experienced it second-hand, a way of preserving my own impressions before I learn more. But I've not yet asked, "How did it feel?" I think we are ready to go there, soon. Your piece gives me encouragement. 🙏
Thank you for sharing this piece.
Thank you for reading, @amybenavides.
The line that stopped me: "once you make a friend and that person dies from the bombs, you stop making friends." A whole life's guardedness in one plain sentence. And then Volodya to Wolfgang to Władysław to Walter, each name a thing the world made him become. I write my own way through what fathers carry and pass down without meaning to, and you found the harder version of it here. Thank you for waiting him out for the feeling. Thanks for sharing💙
Thank you for reading and commenting, @Mario BROWN, it means a lot to me.
So powerful to read this on Father’s Day. Thank you!
Thank you for reading and commenting, Mary!
I asked my library to order the book! Looking forward to reading it.
Thank you, Mary, I'm touched that you did this. I'd be so happy to see War Boys in libraries, such important public spaces.
It's impossible to fathom how a person can go in an instant from having a "normal" life - family, home, comforts...to, in an instant, having to deal with profound grief, despair, anger amidst sheer day-to-day survival. It's a wonder your dad could even function. Guessing your book goes more into detail about how he was, growing up. Powerful essay; thank you for sharing.
@SouthpawDE, it is unfathomable to me, too, how my dad's life changed overnight and I had that thought many times myself, after interviewing him: how did he function after all of this? Especially in a time when PTSD and mental health were far less considered. Thanks for reading the excerpt.