May your creativity and sex life know only the boundaries you wish for them!
I was VERY ready for my hysterectomy. Ready to not feel like I was being punched in the bladder on every walk. Ready to not bleed for two weeks, every three weeks. My surgery was long and complicated but ultimately successful thanks to a wonderful surgeon committed to my best outcome. My libido and creativity came back until menopause, when my libido went underground. I’ve just started a very low dose of estrogen to bring it back. One good thing about hysterectomy and HRT is that studies show when you don’t need progesterone (because no uterus) it lowers the risk of breast cancer.
Ah, thank you! I'm glad you got the surgery you needed and that it went well. This next phase - libido and menopause - is giving me lots to write about too...
Very relatable. I've had fibroids since my 20s (now 48) and three procedures to remove or shrink them... one myomectomy surgery and two UFE procedures... hopefully no more... hysterectomy was never offered as more than a last resort--guess it depends on the size and location of the fibroids. I still have my uterus and am grateful for it as a source of creativity (I also never wanted children for more than a few minutes). I can relate to the anxiety and fears-- now more about menopause / aging. Thank you for writing about a subject that is so often in the shadows.
Gosh, you've been through a lot. Thank you for reading my story and for sharing your experience, too. I hope your gynae health goes from strength to strength!
I'm heterosexual and had a fibroid the size of a grapefruit. 3 doctors recommended I have a hysterectomy. I said NO to all three. After menopause the fibroid shrunk and it hasn't been an issue since then. This is the well kept secret they fail to mention. It's still a man's world.
I'm so glad you found a route that worked for you. Thanks for sharing your experience. It's such an individual decision, and I agree, we need more information. I did talk with my surgeon about the possibility of my fibroid shrinking after menopause, but I'm glad I made the decision I did (I don't think I could have waited any longer).
I’m glad you’re on the mend, your doctor sounds exhausting. The recovery has some ups and downs, I found, but I regret nothing. I had mine in my mid-30s. Had a salpingectomy a few years before when I decided I was done with BC, and an endometrial ablation, you know, while she was already in there for my brutal, lengthy periods. Great surgeon. I was warned the ablation might not “take” and that hysterectomy was the option afterward. It didn’t take, I got about two years with less pain, I had a good run.
More imaging, whatever was causing my pain wasn’t visible, as usual. Different surgeon, she, too, was amazing. Mine was mini-lap, I have the cuff, healed wonderfully. One spot of tissue that was acting up, but they scraped off (I know, sorry) it at my follow up. Pathology found the problem, someone called me all excited barely three hours post-op, I was still high as a kite from all the meds. It was adenomyosis. Go figure.
Enormous quality of life improvement, just unreal. Sex drive was fine, no pain, things are really good there. I started progesterone three years later to deal with massive hormonal fluctuations, but that’s been a lifesaver. But I’m okay. Things are alright. I wasn’t endeared to it before so there wasn’t the loss element, but I always encourage people to do it if it’s a quality of life issue like mine. Happy healing, and take care of yourself.
These stories are so powerful and needed. Thank you so much for sharing your story and I'm glad it had a happy ending. Absolutely agree about quality of life being a deciding factor.
We never talk about it, it’s all hushed tones! Still! And to an extent I understand that thinking persisting for people whose identities are tied to their uterus and its neighbors, but that’s so far from all of us. And you’re right, very little queer discourse for the lesbian/lesbian-adjacent folks here, so it’s an extra layer of scary othering, even if it’s not always intentional. All credit to so, so many trans masc folks for being so open about their experiences, too; that’s refreshing for a hushed tones, yet vital topic. Looking forward to checking out the stuff you’re putting together, thank you so much for doing that.
I wish I had read this before my hysterectomy a few years ago. I didn't even think to have concerns about my sex life post surgery and was kind of clobbered when I did have some issues. (I am straight, so mine definitely had to do with a penis). But ended up going to a pelvic floor physical therapist, which I didn't even know was a thing, and she was a miracle worker. Wanted to share just in case you have any effects that might benefit from the same. On another note, I too drink way too much tea. But I'm not mad about it.
Tea drinking is a very respectable hobby, I feel :) Glad the pelvic floor phsyio was helpful, and thanks for passing on that tip. It's so helpful to share resources and experiences (apparently, one in five people with a uterus has a hysterectomy, so there are a lot of us out there, and a lot of wisdom to share).
I’m so glad to read this! Yay for your hysterectomy! I’m on the waiting list for my uterus, cervix, ovaries and tubes to all go.
I would love to know more about the Shamanic ceremony you had before your hysterectomy. I feel I should do something to honour it, but I was raised Irish Catholic in London and now hide from all things spiritual and religious…
Have you come across the website Queer Menopause? It’s really good!
I’ve written some articles that may be of interest to you.
This one is about my art therapy session around my impending hysterectomy, before surgery was approved:
Hi Sam, thanks so much for commenting here and sharing links to your story, too. I've read the first one and want to witness and validate the pain you describe. It is real.
I had my uterus, both tubes, and one ovary removed (kept my cervix and the other ovary). I've shared more about my experience and some (I hope) helpful tips for going through the surgery in a video. You can find it and other resources here: https://annasansom.com/hysterectomy/
What I haven't shared anywhere, however, are the details of the Shamanic support I received. Weirdly, I'm happy to talk about sex and body parts and everything else, but the spiritual stuff isn't something I can put into words. I'd encourage you to explore it, though, if it feels like it could be helpful. Another friend gave me some very wise words about preparing my body and psyche for surgery, so they knew what was going to happen. That was helpful. I wonder if your art therapy serves a similar function?
Finally, yes, I know Queer Menopause :) Tania Glyde is brilliant.
Wishing you all the best for your surgery and healing!
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and story! I’m so glad the procedure went well. I’m a trans man who gave birth long before transitioning, and have used a variety of birth control. Fortunately, I did not experience any problems, and IUDs worked wonders on keeping my period light and predictable.
I had a hysto (also removed tubes and cervix, kept the ovaries) two years ago. Like many trans men, I started to experience pain/cramping after sex and knew I’d remove the uterus eventually. For me, having a womb was not dysphoric, though I know it is for a lot of trans mascs. I’m proud to be a man who has given birth and breastfed.
But I was at an awful workplace, though it covered gender-affirming care, and I needed a break. So, essentially, I got a hysto so I could have time off work. I’m lucky that a local surgeon is trans-friendly and made it all as smooth and non-dysphoria inducing as possible. (My first time at the gyno after coming out sent me into a panic attack.)
Rachel, I’ll pitch the story when you’re accepting submissions again!
I'm happy to hear your surgeon was trans-friendly and looked after you well. Great to share your story too. My sense is that the trans community is very resourceful and good at sharing information with each other. (I certainly found a lot more trans-related experiences of hysterectomy online than I did specifically lesbian ones.) All of our stories are powerful and needed.
May your creativity and sex life know only the boundaries you wish for them!
I was VERY ready for my hysterectomy. Ready to not feel like I was being punched in the bladder on every walk. Ready to not bleed for two weeks, every three weeks. My surgery was long and complicated but ultimately successful thanks to a wonderful surgeon committed to my best outcome. My libido and creativity came back until menopause, when my libido went underground. I’ve just started a very low dose of estrogen to bring it back. One good thing about hysterectomy and HRT is that studies show when you don’t need progesterone (because no uterus) it lowers the risk of breast cancer.
Happy healing!
Ah, thank you! I'm glad you got the surgery you needed and that it went well. This next phase - libido and menopause - is giving me lots to write about too...
Very relatable. I've had fibroids since my 20s (now 48) and three procedures to remove or shrink them... one myomectomy surgery and two UFE procedures... hopefully no more... hysterectomy was never offered as more than a last resort--guess it depends on the size and location of the fibroids. I still have my uterus and am grateful for it as a source of creativity (I also never wanted children for more than a few minutes). I can relate to the anxiety and fears-- now more about menopause / aging. Thank you for writing about a subject that is so often in the shadows.
Gosh, you've been through a lot. Thank you for reading my story and for sharing your experience, too. I hope your gynae health goes from strength to strength!
I'm heterosexual and had a fibroid the size of a grapefruit. 3 doctors recommended I have a hysterectomy. I said NO to all three. After menopause the fibroid shrunk and it hasn't been an issue since then. This is the well kept secret they fail to mention. It's still a man's world.
I'm so glad you found a route that worked for you. Thanks for sharing your experience. It's such an individual decision, and I agree, we need more information. I did talk with my surgeon about the possibility of my fibroid shrinking after menopause, but I'm glad I made the decision I did (I don't think I could have waited any longer).
I’m glad you’re on the mend, your doctor sounds exhausting. The recovery has some ups and downs, I found, but I regret nothing. I had mine in my mid-30s. Had a salpingectomy a few years before when I decided I was done with BC, and an endometrial ablation, you know, while she was already in there for my brutal, lengthy periods. Great surgeon. I was warned the ablation might not “take” and that hysterectomy was the option afterward. It didn’t take, I got about two years with less pain, I had a good run.
More imaging, whatever was causing my pain wasn’t visible, as usual. Different surgeon, she, too, was amazing. Mine was mini-lap, I have the cuff, healed wonderfully. One spot of tissue that was acting up, but they scraped off (I know, sorry) it at my follow up. Pathology found the problem, someone called me all excited barely three hours post-op, I was still high as a kite from all the meds. It was adenomyosis. Go figure.
Enormous quality of life improvement, just unreal. Sex drive was fine, no pain, things are really good there. I started progesterone three years later to deal with massive hormonal fluctuations, but that’s been a lifesaver. But I’m okay. Things are alright. I wasn’t endeared to it before so there wasn’t the loss element, but I always encourage people to do it if it’s a quality of life issue like mine. Happy healing, and take care of yourself.
These stories are so powerful and needed. Thank you so much for sharing your story and I'm glad it had a happy ending. Absolutely agree about quality of life being a deciding factor.
We never talk about it, it’s all hushed tones! Still! And to an extent I understand that thinking persisting for people whose identities are tied to their uterus and its neighbors, but that’s so far from all of us. And you’re right, very little queer discourse for the lesbian/lesbian-adjacent folks here, so it’s an extra layer of scary othering, even if it’s not always intentional. All credit to so, so many trans masc folks for being so open about their experiences, too; that’s refreshing for a hushed tones, yet vital topic. Looking forward to checking out the stuff you’re putting together, thank you so much for doing that.
I wish I had read this before my hysterectomy a few years ago. I didn't even think to have concerns about my sex life post surgery and was kind of clobbered when I did have some issues. (I am straight, so mine definitely had to do with a penis). But ended up going to a pelvic floor physical therapist, which I didn't even know was a thing, and she was a miracle worker. Wanted to share just in case you have any effects that might benefit from the same. On another note, I too drink way too much tea. But I'm not mad about it.
Tea drinking is a very respectable hobby, I feel :) Glad the pelvic floor phsyio was helpful, and thanks for passing on that tip. It's so helpful to share resources and experiences (apparently, one in five people with a uterus has a hysterectomy, so there are a lot of us out there, and a lot of wisdom to share).
I’m so glad to read this! Yay for your hysterectomy! I’m on the waiting list for my uterus, cervix, ovaries and tubes to all go.
I would love to know more about the Shamanic ceremony you had before your hysterectomy. I feel I should do something to honour it, but I was raised Irish Catholic in London and now hide from all things spiritual and religious…
Have you come across the website Queer Menopause? It’s really good!
I’ve written some articles that may be of interest to you.
This one is about my art therapy session around my impending hysterectomy, before surgery was approved:
https://open.substack.com/pub/samgallowayaudhd/p/a-uterus-full-of-stories?r=2pp93s&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
This one is a Q&A about autistic menopause following gender-affirming surgery:
https://open.substack.com/pub/samgallowayaudhd/p/the-auti-peri-q-and-a-greg?r=2pp93s&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
I’ll leave it there. There are others but I don’t want to inflict you with unsolicited articles! 😹
Hi Sam, thanks so much for commenting here and sharing links to your story, too. I've read the first one and want to witness and validate the pain you describe. It is real.
I had my uterus, both tubes, and one ovary removed (kept my cervix and the other ovary). I've shared more about my experience and some (I hope) helpful tips for going through the surgery in a video. You can find it and other resources here: https://annasansom.com/hysterectomy/
What I haven't shared anywhere, however, are the details of the Shamanic support I received. Weirdly, I'm happy to talk about sex and body parts and everything else, but the spiritual stuff isn't something I can put into words. I'd encourage you to explore it, though, if it feels like it could be helpful. Another friend gave me some very wise words about preparing my body and psyche for surgery, so they knew what was going to happen. That was helpful. I wonder if your art therapy serves a similar function?
Finally, yes, I know Queer Menopause :) Tania Glyde is brilliant.
Wishing you all the best for your surgery and healing!
I love this essay so much, and will look for your other work. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your comment here. I hope you enjoy my other writing too!
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and story! I’m so glad the procedure went well. I’m a trans man who gave birth long before transitioning, and have used a variety of birth control. Fortunately, I did not experience any problems, and IUDs worked wonders on keeping my period light and predictable.
I had a hysto (also removed tubes and cervix, kept the ovaries) two years ago. Like many trans men, I started to experience pain/cramping after sex and knew I’d remove the uterus eventually. For me, having a womb was not dysphoric, though I know it is for a lot of trans mascs. I’m proud to be a man who has given birth and breastfed.
But I was at an awful workplace, though it covered gender-affirming care, and I needed a break. So, essentially, I got a hysto so I could have time off work. I’m lucky that a local surgeon is trans-friendly and made it all as smooth and non-dysphoria inducing as possible. (My first time at the gyno after coming out sent me into a panic attack.)
Rachel, I’ll pitch the story when you’re accepting submissions again!
I'm happy to hear your surgeon was trans-friendly and looked after you well. Great to share your story too. My sense is that the trans community is very resourceful and good at sharing information with each other. (I certainly found a lot more trans-related experiences of hysterectomy online than I did specifically lesbian ones.) All of our stories are powerful and needed.