Elizabeth, this is a very important and necessary observation on living with a disability, especially timely for Disability Pride Month. I also live with a "non-apparent" disability, and totally agree with you on the variability in the number of daily spoons. Some days I wake up with a full drawer, and other days I feel like I'm trying to hack my way through the jungle with a teaspoon!
Wishing you endless drawers of spoons, and the occasional knife when you need to cut through the BS!
Thank you for this. I'm about wordless right now as I sort out my invisible disabilities as I move into my fourth month of taking care of my beloved with more obvious disabilities due to stroke. Your words leave me feeling less alone and disconnected.
In 2006, during the National League playoffs at Shea Stadium, TV announcers -- don't ask me whose -- kept focusing on a Mets fan who was wearing very thick glasses that looked like a space suit.
The announcers ridiculed him all game long.
At game's end, the man's daughter phoned up the TV network and told them that her father suffered from a rare eye condition that gave him weak vision. He HAD to wear those glasses to use his Mets season tickets to watch the game. Why were they humiliating him for a medical condition? What was so funny? Would they make snotty jokes if that guy had been their wife? Sister? Mother?
The following game, same park, same teams, the network put their camera on the same man, sitting in the same seat, in the second inning, and recounted how they had spent the previous game ridiculing him.
Now the two announcers, sounding unhappy and nervous, explained the fan's medical condition, apologized profusely for their previous statements, and did the only thing they could do: commiserated on his health issues and offered the hope that he enjoyed the game.
Good for the man's daughter for calling those announcers out. Had she not done that, they would have probably continued ridiculing him at subsequent games and thought nothing of it.
She did the right thing, and I just wish I could remember more about it. They did not give the man’s name in the initial broadcasts and did not in the apologies.
This brought tears to my eyes. How cruel and childish, how unprofessional. This seems like something that would happen in junior high school. This shows how easy it is to forget that there may be a reason why, and compassion goes a long way.
Read up on how Cincinnati Reds broadcaster made a homophobic slur in the first game of a doubleheader and was fired in the middle of the second game of the doubleheader.
Beautifully written, and such an important concept to remember.
We have no knowledge of others' sufferings, especially the ones that leave invisible cuts and scars. You've told this beautifully, and this will be one story I pass along to many.
Thank you for writing this essay. This is such an important thing to be aware of and remember. We cannot always see a disability, but we can pay attention and believe what we hear when being told.
So often I do not know why people do what they do. And sometimes I make the mistake of judging them based on my assumptions. I will be even more careful now.
Your message is so important, and your spoon analogy helps me understand. It’s easier to assume the worst (I’m used to encountering people behaving badly, so I’m guilty of jumping to this conclusion), rather than understanding that there may be something more going on.
I had a baby brother who was challenged, but it wasn't visible. I worried about him constantly but took him for granted, trying to be all that was expected of me. He died early. Not because of his disability, but because of the stress in his life that accentuated his disabilities. Unfortunately, so much of modernity is impressed with the glitz and glitter, the ability to expand, instead of the necessity of being nice, considerate, humane. This article is a blessing to all who read it and consider their surrounding environment and effort to make things easier for others with handicaps so they can live their life more easily, allowing for their gifts to be given more effortlessly.
Thank you for sharing your story and about your struggles. Please keep it up, this is exactly what can make the world more aware.
I’m autistic but most people just assume that I’m strange partly because I don’t show it in the old, traditional way that the DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual, the diagnostic guide of the mental health field) lists. But mostly because of the fact that the mainstream is still so ignorant about it. That and their frequently harsh treatment of me used to shell shock me when I was younger. Most of the time, I’m not even sure what it is that I’m doing wrong and it often takes time for me to even figure it out.
Most of the time, unless I’m really obviously tired, I’m not sure how many spoons I really have, either.
There’s still so much that the mainstream is so incredible ignorant about when it comes to disabilities that it’s like fighting against a tidal wave, at least for me.
Thank you so much for making me and many in the disability community feel so much less alone. :)
Elizabeth, this is a very important and necessary observation on living with a disability, especially timely for Disability Pride Month. I also live with a "non-apparent" disability, and totally agree with you on the variability in the number of daily spoons. Some days I wake up with a full drawer, and other days I feel like I'm trying to hack my way through the jungle with a teaspoon!
Wishing you endless drawers of spoons, and the occasional knife when you need to cut through the BS!
Thank you for this. I'm about wordless right now as I sort out my invisible disabilities as I move into my fourth month of taking care of my beloved with more obvious disabilities due to stroke. Your words leave me feeling less alone and disconnected.
You are not alone! Best wishes to you and your beloved.
In 2006, during the National League playoffs at Shea Stadium, TV announcers -- don't ask me whose -- kept focusing on a Mets fan who was wearing very thick glasses that looked like a space suit.
The announcers ridiculed him all game long.
At game's end, the man's daughter phoned up the TV network and told them that her father suffered from a rare eye condition that gave him weak vision. He HAD to wear those glasses to use his Mets season tickets to watch the game. Why were they humiliating him for a medical condition? What was so funny? Would they make snotty jokes if that guy had been their wife? Sister? Mother?
The following game, same park, same teams, the network put their camera on the same man, sitting in the same seat, in the second inning, and recounted how they had spent the previous game ridiculing him.
Now the two announcers, sounding unhappy and nervous, explained the fan's medical condition, apologized profusely for their previous statements, and did the only thing they could do: commiserated on his health issues and offered the hope that he enjoyed the game.
Then they left him alone.
Good for the man's daughter for calling those announcers out. Had she not done that, they would have probably continued ridiculing him at subsequent games and thought nothing of it.
She did the right thing, and I just wish I could remember more about it. They did not give the man’s name in the initial broadcasts and did not in the apologies.
I think that was to spare him more ridicule.
This brought tears to my eyes. How cruel and childish, how unprofessional. This seems like something that would happen in junior high school. This shows how easy it is to forget that there may be a reason why, and compassion goes a long way.
Read up on how Cincinnati Reds broadcaster made a homophobic slur in the first game of a doubleheader and was fired in the middle of the second game of the doubleheader.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_drive_into_deep_left_field_by_Castellanos
Wow, some apology. Disgraceful.
That was the reaction at the time.
He did better when he faced the LGBTQ youth a few days later, hearing their stories.
As I said, he’s now on the Board of Directors of the Cincinnati organization for LGBTQ youth.
That meeting had a massive impact on him.
Beautifully written, and such an important concept to remember.
We have no knowledge of others' sufferings, especially the ones that leave invisible cuts and scars. You've told this beautifully, and this will be one story I pass along to many.
Thank you for this gift!
Thank you for writing this essay. This is such an important thing to be aware of and remember. We cannot always see a disability, but we can pay attention and believe what we hear when being told.
So often I do not know why people do what they do. And sometimes I make the mistake of judging them based on my assumptions. I will be even more careful now.
Well said. My disability (hearing loss) is also largely invisible and people make all kinds of assumptions about me.
Your message is so important, and your spoon analogy helps me understand. It’s easier to assume the worst (I’m used to encountering people behaving badly, so I’m guilty of jumping to this conclusion), rather than understanding that there may be something more going on.
Thank you for sharing this. I can do better.
I had a baby brother who was challenged, but it wasn't visible. I worried about him constantly but took him for granted, trying to be all that was expected of me. He died early. Not because of his disability, but because of the stress in his life that accentuated his disabilities. Unfortunately, so much of modernity is impressed with the glitz and glitter, the ability to expand, instead of the necessity of being nice, considerate, humane. This article is a blessing to all who read it and consider their surrounding environment and effort to make things easier for others with handicaps so they can live their life more easily, allowing for their gifts to be given more effortlessly.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing your story and about your struggles. Please keep it up, this is exactly what can make the world more aware.
I’m autistic but most people just assume that I’m strange partly because I don’t show it in the old, traditional way that the DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual, the diagnostic guide of the mental health field) lists. But mostly because of the fact that the mainstream is still so ignorant about it. That and their frequently harsh treatment of me used to shell shock me when I was younger. Most of the time, I’m not even sure what it is that I’m doing wrong and it often takes time for me to even figure it out.
Most of the time, unless I’m really obviously tired, I’m not sure how many spoons I really have, either.
There’s still so much that the mainstream is so incredible ignorant about when it comes to disabilities that it’s like fighting against a tidal wave, at least for me.
Thank you so much for making me and many in the disability community feel so much less alone. :)
Thanks for sharing your experience here. You are definitely not alone. :)
Thank you so much for writing this, Elizabeth, you have taught me something important. I will remember this when meeting and interfacing with others.