This is a very real article. I struggle with anticipatory grief with my soul dog and often unfortunately wonder what I'll do with his inevitable ashes one day. For now, as morbid as it might be, I think I might put them on the nightstand or on a shelf near the bed to look over me while I sleep like he does now. Maybe that idea will change. The idea of toting his little urn around with me the rest of my life seems a little daunting, but I know for me that will be better than not having him near me.
It happens to people, too. We have the ashes of my mother and father and because of, well, "life", we have absolutely no idea "what,and when, and where". This actually has precedent with my friend Erin's grandma. The family wanted to spread her ashes in NYC, and me, my wife, and our son lived there at the time. So, they mailed her. The box arrived via regular post in a small cardboard box labeled "human cremains". She "lived" in a corner of our apartment for months. Finally, the family got together, and spread her ashes at the Statue of Liberty, but it was a violation of some sort. They ended up doing the "ceremony" nearby. It was a windy day on the shore. Think "The Big Lebowski". I'm a ceramic artist. I've used ashes in clay and glazes for years. Maybe I can help. Just a last minute thought. I'm not going to do that with my parents, but pets, no idea. We've ( my wife and me) have been together for over 30 years. We have had one dog, and two cats die on us. I'm not entirely sure if I would make a "Glenda" pot, glaze, or sculpture, but maybe I should have considered it. I'm not entirely sure what my wife said son would have said. Salvi the cat is really old, I wonder how he'd feel about it.
I've heard of ceramists who incorporate ashes into pieces of art, though I've never seen a piece in person. I rather like that idea. I know I want to be cremated myself, but I don't like the idea of being scattered (and I couldn't really tell you why).
I knew a guy who made art with human cremains. Charles Krafft. He was not the best person after I got to know him a little better, but I did write about his work. Don't know if I would still do that now. I actually had a "business card" of his. A clay tile with the name of the person that it "came from". I left it in New York when we moved. It was an odd piece to have held on to, considering the artist, and not knowing who the cremains belonged to.
Oh wow. I wonder if he had permission to use people’s cremains like that? I’m not sure I’d want to be carrying around pieces of what was once a person. (Though I’ve seen jewelry that incorporates some of the ashes.)
I got my first dog last year — I’m 37 — and I never realized how much I could love a dog. I’ve been terrified of her dying ever since. This essay is helping me process all of that. The intensity of feelings while also the hope that it’s possible to live with the grief I know I’ll have to face someday. Thank you!!!
Congratulations on your new pup! I'm glad reading about my experience was helpful. Recounting each of my losses was hard… and yet there are so many happy, silly memories mixed up with the grief. I hope you have many, many wonderful years with your sweet girl.
Thank you for writing this; how touching to read, and so very real.
I was too young when my grandparents' dog passed; I was told later I cried constantly for a few days. I found out later she was buried in a nearby lot - a building stands there now. When their parrot died, my family had a garden of our own, so he was buried there.
I used to look after a street cat near our home - she fell gravely ill and we had to let her go. She's also in our garden, and I feel so grateful they are close-by. I have two cats of my own now, and my parents have a dog... I do feel like we will break when they go, but we will keep them close <3
Loosing loved ones, pets included, is the most heartbreaking experience in life.
I once sobbed in my therapist's office over burying my cat, Spike, and telling her he was all alone in the dark. I've lost count of all the cats buried in that yard where I no longer live. My dog, Blondie, is buried beneath a tree in my ex-boyfriend's yard. She was so special I could never replace her with another dog.
We all manage loss and grief in different ways. Don't be too hard on yourself. Perhaps, with time, you will discover a different plan...a memorial service, a photo collage, or another way to pay tribute......
I'm so sorry for your losses. Processing their deaths can be so hard, even when there's time to mentally prepare for it. I never think I'll be able to go through it again — and then I do. You're right, grief looks different for all of us.
This is a very real article. I struggle with anticipatory grief with my soul dog and often unfortunately wonder what I'll do with his inevitable ashes one day. For now, as morbid as it might be, I think I might put them on the nightstand or on a shelf near the bed to look over me while I sleep like he does now. Maybe that idea will change. The idea of toting his little urn around with me the rest of my life seems a little daunting, but I know for me that will be better than not having him near me.
I know exactly what you mean by anticipatory grief. I hope you get many more years with your dog. ❤️
It happens to people, too. We have the ashes of my mother and father and because of, well, "life", we have absolutely no idea "what,and when, and where". This actually has precedent with my friend Erin's grandma. The family wanted to spread her ashes in NYC, and me, my wife, and our son lived there at the time. So, they mailed her. The box arrived via regular post in a small cardboard box labeled "human cremains". She "lived" in a corner of our apartment for months. Finally, the family got together, and spread her ashes at the Statue of Liberty, but it was a violation of some sort. They ended up doing the "ceremony" nearby. It was a windy day on the shore. Think "The Big Lebowski". I'm a ceramic artist. I've used ashes in clay and glazes for years. Maybe I can help. Just a last minute thought. I'm not going to do that with my parents, but pets, no idea. We've ( my wife and me) have been together for over 30 years. We have had one dog, and two cats die on us. I'm not entirely sure if I would make a "Glenda" pot, glaze, or sculpture, but maybe I should have considered it. I'm not entirely sure what my wife said son would have said. Salvi the cat is really old, I wonder how he'd feel about it.
I've heard of ceramists who incorporate ashes into pieces of art, though I've never seen a piece in person. I rather like that idea. I know I want to be cremated myself, but I don't like the idea of being scattered (and I couldn't really tell you why).
I knew a guy who made art with human cremains. Charles Krafft. He was not the best person after I got to know him a little better, but I did write about his work. Don't know if I would still do that now. I actually had a "business card" of his. A clay tile with the name of the person that it "came from". I left it in New York when we moved. It was an odd piece to have held on to, considering the artist, and not knowing who the cremains belonged to.
Oh wow. I wonder if he had permission to use people’s cremains like that? I’m not sure I’d want to be carrying around pieces of what was once a person. (Though I’ve seen jewelry that incorporates some of the ashes.)
I got my first dog last year — I’m 37 — and I never realized how much I could love a dog. I’ve been terrified of her dying ever since. This essay is helping me process all of that. The intensity of feelings while also the hope that it’s possible to live with the grief I know I’ll have to face someday. Thank you!!!
Congratulations on your new pup! I'm glad reading about my experience was helpful. Recounting each of my losses was hard… and yet there are so many happy, silly memories mixed up with the grief. I hope you have many, many wonderful years with your sweet girl.
Thank you for writing this; how touching to read, and so very real.
I was too young when my grandparents' dog passed; I was told later I cried constantly for a few days. I found out later she was buried in a nearby lot - a building stands there now. When their parrot died, my family had a garden of our own, so he was buried there.
I used to look after a street cat near our home - she fell gravely ill and we had to let her go. She's also in our garden, and I feel so grateful they are close-by. I have two cats of my own now, and my parents have a dog... I do feel like we will break when they go, but we will keep them close <3
Thank you for your kind words. I hope you have many more years with your cats and dog.
Loosing loved ones, pets included, is the most heartbreaking experience in life.
I once sobbed in my therapist's office over burying my cat, Spike, and telling her he was all alone in the dark. I've lost count of all the cats buried in that yard where I no longer live. My dog, Blondie, is buried beneath a tree in my ex-boyfriend's yard. She was so special I could never replace her with another dog.
We all manage loss and grief in different ways. Don't be too hard on yourself. Perhaps, with time, you will discover a different plan...a memorial service, a photo collage, or another way to pay tribute......
I'm so sorry for your losses. Processing their deaths can be so hard, even when there's time to mentally prepare for it. I never think I'll be able to go through it again — and then I do. You're right, grief looks different for all of us.