First of all, I'm incredibly flattered to be included in Open Secrets. I've been a fan of editor, Rachel Kramer Bussel for a very, very long time as we passed each other on the periphery of the erotic and sex work writing circles over the years. The stories that have been included in this publication are raw, honest, surprising and always well written. I judge my own writing by, of course the feedback I get, but also, the company I get to keep. I've been lucky enough to have found my way into a half dozen anthologies, a few magazines and literary journals, but the honesty and bravery I've found in Open Secrets is unique, and I'm humbled. Thank you.
Wow and wow. I keep seeing your stories so vividly like a movie in my head, and then feeling so much empathy for you. I know I have said this before, but your stories are so important and moving, they would be an incredible book and movie.
Thank you Sarah, I'm so glad you're enjoying the work, dark as it all is sometimes. So glad you, your work with animals and your art found their way here as well.
There's something approaching perfection in the structure here, Jodi. The mirror of the before and after, shattered by the middle, leaving shards behind. There's a lot of power here.
Goddess, almighty. I can't say more. I love you, Jodi. You are by far one of the wisest women I know. I'm grateful to call you my friend. I'm blessed that you're here on the planet. I'm so relieved that you survived your younger self. xo
I think saying thank you for sharing sounds lame…but thank you for sharing. Women’s stories…the really hard ones that more than one woman can relate to mean.so.much 🙏🏻
I can't even. Omg, what you went through is more than horrific. What a powerful, talented writer you are too.
I have had caregiver experience as well, but someone else we paid for took care of my husband’s father when he got Alzheimer's. I want to read all your stuff, but what a rabbit hole I could dive into!
Thank you Kim, I'm grateful for your eyeballs, attention and time. Luckily, we're in a place where we can afford aides to come in 9-5 every day to help with mom, so I can write, sleep, breath. You know. I'm sorry you and your husband and your father in law had to deal with that. It's hard.
It was with all of our parents. It was so difficult and sad with the last one; my dad, that when we started this new lifestyle and finally realized our retirement dream, I felt guilty for the first year out. December 4 marks our 3rd year of traveling.
So powerful and painful, Jodi. What an awful, awful experience, "job hazard" or not. I hope your healing will continue through your writing and wherever you find solace and compassion.
Thanks Deb. I've done a lot of work and have come through the other side. There was a time when I'd break out in hives head to toe if I wrote about that night. It took a long time for me to shift responsibility and blame, to accept my stupid decisions still didn't give him the right to do what he did. I wouldn't chose to live through that again, but it has a lot to do with who I am today, and how I get all mama bear when I see things happening...
Thanks Natasha. I think the closest to a book these stories are going to get is places like this and the Dirtygirl Diaires- What I Did For Love. I ran out of the steam needed to hustle in the publishing market a long time ago. I appreciate your eyeballs and your enthusiasm. Hope you'll follow along at https://jdoff.substack.com/
Hm, I recall being dragged to Times Square in the 90s by a newly out gay friend, and there were glory holes! Fast forward 15 years and I’m receiving a pearl necklace as a gift between courses at Jean Georges :) I know the New York you speak of. And I know rape, but it didn’t look like the above (I was a child; it looked like family, it looked at first like play, then turned dark and terrifying…). This writing is shocking and visceral, Jodi. And my memory of ties is twisted now—I saved some of my deceased dad’s ties lovingly—which goes to show, they DO carry the essence of a man.
When you start with glory holes and go to pearl necklace, I thought you were headed in a completely different direction. I'm so sorry for the family betrayal, for the stolen childhood. The one positive note from those experiences is that it often gives us compassion for others, a different level of understanding. Not a fair trade, but, it's something. 🩵 thank you for reading.
Really powerful. I really like how you used restraint as part of the storytelling. Told us lots about your life but not any details of the rape other than ties were used, as a restraint, I imagine. Really controlled telling of an out of control time in your life, a testament to your writing prowess. Congrats on getting in to Open Secrets! And I’m really sorry that someone violated you so horribly.
Thanks, Amy. That's interesting how you perceived it. I wasn't intentionally using restraint in the story, and there are details of the rape, just not the backstory, or the narrative. Just the takeway, I guess. What it left me with, or took away. I appreciate your time and attention, always.
It is interesting that even in writing stories people take away things we didn’t intend. Songwriters say that a lot, but I think it’s less expected in the kind of prose writing we do.
Sometimes I think we hear/read what we need to, or what we can. In 12 step recovery I’m constantly hearing people say oh when you said this or when you said that. And I never heard the speaker say this or that. Even when I’m the speaker. It’s an interesting phenomenon.
The upscale restaurant and the clinking silver and muffled sounds, the power you felt walking in and feeling all eyes on you, juxtaposed with the violence and horror of what was done to you later really left me feeling so much rage and anguish, Jodi. I hate that this happened to you, but I’m so thankful you’re writing about it. This was a gut punch of an essay and that’s as it ought to be. Sending you lots of love x
Thanks Ally. I wouldn't want to go through any of it again, but I'm not unhappy it happened. Things had to happen the way they did for me to get where I am, if that makes sense. I hung on to the anger for a very, very long time. I haven't forgotten, or forgiven, but I'm not angry anymore either, which I'm grateful for.
Not being angry anymore is a good place to be. I have rage generally, that girls and women continue to exist in a world where we can’t feel fucking safe, and where I worry about my teenage daughter all the time. But I am also not angry about specific things that happened to my own body anymore. I’m just really sad for my younger self when I think about it. But no guy who assaulted me gets to take up space in my mind as a permanent resident. I pull them into focus when I want to write about that issue, and I kick them back into the ether when I’m done.
First of all, I'm incredibly flattered to be included in Open Secrets. I've been a fan of editor, Rachel Kramer Bussel for a very, very long time as we passed each other on the periphery of the erotic and sex work writing circles over the years. The stories that have been included in this publication are raw, honest, surprising and always well written. I judge my own writing by, of course the feedback I get, but also, the company I get to keep. I've been lucky enough to have found my way into a half dozen anthologies, a few magazines and literary journals, but the honesty and bravery I've found in Open Secrets is unique, and I'm humbled. Thank you.
Wow and wow. I keep seeing your stories so vividly like a movie in my head, and then feeling so much empathy for you. I know I have said this before, but your stories are so important and moving, they would be an incredible book and movie.
Thank you Sarah, I'm so glad you're enjoying the work, dark as it all is sometimes. So glad you, your work with animals and your art found their way here as well.
Aw thanks! So happy I found my way here as well❤️
There's something approaching perfection in the structure here, Jodi. The mirror of the before and after, shattered by the middle, leaving shards behind. There's a lot of power here.
That's some heavy praise my friend. I'll take it, with many thanks.
Sure is.
Goddess, almighty. I can't say more. I love you, Jodi. You are by far one of the wisest women I know. I'm grateful to call you my friend. I'm blessed that you're here on the planet. I'm so relieved that you survived your younger self. xo
I think saying thank you for sharing sounds lame…but thank you for sharing. Women’s stories…the really hard ones that more than one woman can relate to mean.so.much 🙏🏻
understood, one hundred percent. thank you, so much.
I can't even. Omg, what you went through is more than horrific. What a powerful, talented writer you are too.
I have had caregiver experience as well, but someone else we paid for took care of my husband’s father when he got Alzheimer's. I want to read all your stuff, but what a rabbit hole I could dive into!
Thank you Kim, I'm grateful for your eyeballs, attention and time. Luckily, we're in a place where we can afford aides to come in 9-5 every day to help with mom, so I can write, sleep, breath. You know. I'm sorry you and your husband and your father in law had to deal with that. It's hard.
It was with all of our parents. It was so difficult and sad with the last one; my dad, that when we started this new lifestyle and finally realized our retirement dream, I felt guilty for the first year out. December 4 marks our 3rd year of traveling.
So powerful and painful, Jodi. What an awful, awful experience, "job hazard" or not. I hope your healing will continue through your writing and wherever you find solace and compassion.
Thanks Deb. I've done a lot of work and have come through the other side. There was a time when I'd break out in hives head to toe if I wrote about that night. It took a long time for me to shift responsibility and blame, to accept my stupid decisions still didn't give him the right to do what he did. I wouldn't chose to live through that again, but it has a lot to do with who I am today, and how I get all mama bear when I see things happening...
Whoa, this is powerful!! I want the book!!
Thanks Natasha. I think the closest to a book these stories are going to get is places like this and the Dirtygirl Diaires- What I Did For Love. I ran out of the steam needed to hustle in the publishing market a long time ago. I appreciate your eyeballs and your enthusiasm. Hope you'll follow along at https://jdoff.substack.com/
Hm, I recall being dragged to Times Square in the 90s by a newly out gay friend, and there were glory holes! Fast forward 15 years and I’m receiving a pearl necklace as a gift between courses at Jean Georges :) I know the New York you speak of. And I know rape, but it didn’t look like the above (I was a child; it looked like family, it looked at first like play, then turned dark and terrifying…). This writing is shocking and visceral, Jodi. And my memory of ties is twisted now—I saved some of my deceased dad’s ties lovingly—which goes to show, they DO carry the essence of a man.
When you start with glory holes and go to pearl necklace, I thought you were headed in a completely different direction. I'm so sorry for the family betrayal, for the stolen childhood. The one positive note from those experiences is that it often gives us compassion for others, a different level of understanding. Not a fair trade, but, it's something. 🩵 thank you for reading.
Oh, it’s given me courage, resiliency, and probably my whole personality, as well as professional drive to advocate for trauma writers.
Really powerful. I really like how you used restraint as part of the storytelling. Told us lots about your life but not any details of the rape other than ties were used, as a restraint, I imagine. Really controlled telling of an out of control time in your life, a testament to your writing prowess. Congrats on getting in to Open Secrets! And I’m really sorry that someone violated you so horribly.
Thanks, Amy. That's interesting how you perceived it. I wasn't intentionally using restraint in the story, and there are details of the rape, just not the backstory, or the narrative. Just the takeway, I guess. What it left me with, or took away. I appreciate your time and attention, always.
It is interesting that even in writing stories people take away things we didn’t intend. Songwriters say that a lot, but I think it’s less expected in the kind of prose writing we do.
Sometimes I think we hear/read what we need to, or what we can. In 12 step recovery I’m constantly hearing people say oh when you said this or when you said that. And I never heard the speaker say this or that. Even when I’m the speaker. It’s an interesting phenomenon.
I don’t even have words. But I’m so glad you do. Mostly I can’t wait to wrap you in a big hug when I see you in person. Can’t wait.
The upscale restaurant and the clinking silver and muffled sounds, the power you felt walking in and feeling all eyes on you, juxtaposed with the violence and horror of what was done to you later really left me feeling so much rage and anguish, Jodi. I hate that this happened to you, but I’m so thankful you’re writing about it. This was a gut punch of an essay and that’s as it ought to be. Sending you lots of love x
Thanks Ally. I wouldn't want to go through any of it again, but I'm not unhappy it happened. Things had to happen the way they did for me to get where I am, if that makes sense. I hung on to the anger for a very, very long time. I haven't forgotten, or forgiven, but I'm not angry anymore either, which I'm grateful for.
Not being angry anymore is a good place to be. I have rage generally, that girls and women continue to exist in a world where we can’t feel fucking safe, and where I worry about my teenage daughter all the time. But I am also not angry about specific things that happened to my own body anymore. I’m just really sad for my younger self when I think about it. But no guy who assaulted me gets to take up space in my mind as a permanent resident. I pull them into focus when I want to write about that issue, and I kick them back into the ether when I’m done.
Oh yeah. I have a hair trigger when I see something happening to somebody else. The mama bear in me comes roaring out.