Hi Siham, I officiated at hundreds of weddings in the 1980s as a liberal member of the clergy. My couples came to me because they were interfaith, interracial, atheists, agnostics, nones queers for a “union” and basically didn’t have a religious home.
We crafted a ceremony together that reflected their worldviews. Our first meeting was a planning and ‘getting to know’ appointment. I’d ask them to tell me their love story, how they met etc. “We met at the zoo, at a coffee shop or another public setting.”
When they’d begin to wind up their story, and we’d made a connection, I’d ask them how they really met. Inevitably, they’d share a look and confess it had been the personal ads. This was before online apps. Sometimes, one of them would pull out a wallet and show me the actual ad that brought them together.
Then I’d normalize their meeting by telling them how many of my couples had two stories, one they told their families and outer circles and another they kept to themselves and those in their inner circles. My hope was to take the sting of shame out of meeting by way of match making ads.
I don’t know if this altered how they told their story in the future, and of course I never outed them, but it did make for a more intimate ceremony.
Hi Kathi! This is so lovely, yours is a story in and of itself! It’s surprising to hear that this shaming has existed even since before dating apps came into play. Just goes to show people have always found ways to meet each other when day to day life hasn’t been enough.
I think you probably did make a difference by helping them normalise it — I know my boyfriend did when he unknowingly helped me normalise ours :)
My husband and I met on a dating site (before apps, after personal ads) and have been married for over 17 years. Everyone, including our kids, knows how we really met. Everyone, including our kids, responded with some variation of "of course you did" because they KNOW us.
This post was so relatable. I’ve always had a romantic notion that I would meet my partner in this terrific meet-cute and we’d tell the story for ages in a manner befitting Hollywood. I’ve had some fun meet-cuted that are story worthy, but none of them went anywhere. After doing a lot of work on myself and detaching from some of my unhealthy fantasy views on love, I’m now totally okay with the fact that I met my partner the boring way through a dating app. We have plenty of other cool stories to look back on :)
As there are less social activities for young people today (no bowling alleys, no skating rinks, movie houses closing down all over, etc.) it's a miracle anyone meets cute in the 21st century. Most teens I know are shut off in their rooms playing video games, surfing the net, communicating via texts, sending emojis rather that words, eating junk food, getting fat and lazy isolating from the real world. Hopefully love and relationships will still find a way. In the end it doesn't really matter how you connect with a fellow human....as long as you do.
Hi Siham, I officiated at hundreds of weddings in the 1980s as a liberal member of the clergy. My couples came to me because they were interfaith, interracial, atheists, agnostics, nones queers for a “union” and basically didn’t have a religious home.
We crafted a ceremony together that reflected their worldviews. Our first meeting was a planning and ‘getting to know’ appointment. I’d ask them to tell me their love story, how they met etc. “We met at the zoo, at a coffee shop or another public setting.”
When they’d begin to wind up their story, and we’d made a connection, I’d ask them how they really met. Inevitably, they’d share a look and confess it had been the personal ads. This was before online apps. Sometimes, one of them would pull out a wallet and show me the actual ad that brought them together.
Then I’d normalize their meeting by telling them how many of my couples had two stories, one they told their families and outer circles and another they kept to themselves and those in their inner circles. My hope was to take the sting of shame out of meeting by way of match making ads.
I don’t know if this altered how they told their story in the future, and of course I never outed them, but it did make for a more intimate ceremony.
Hi Kathi! This is so lovely, yours is a story in and of itself! It’s surprising to hear that this shaming has existed even since before dating apps came into play. Just goes to show people have always found ways to meet each other when day to day life hasn’t been enough.
I think you probably did make a difference by helping them normalise it — I know my boyfriend did when he unknowingly helped me normalise ours :)
My husband and I met on a dating site (before apps, after personal ads) and have been married for over 17 years. Everyone, including our kids, knows how we really met. Everyone, including our kids, responded with some variation of "of course you did" because they KNOW us.
This post was so relatable. I’ve always had a romantic notion that I would meet my partner in this terrific meet-cute and we’d tell the story for ages in a manner befitting Hollywood. I’ve had some fun meet-cuted that are story worthy, but none of them went anywhere. After doing a lot of work on myself and detaching from some of my unhealthy fantasy views on love, I’m now totally okay with the fact that I met my partner the boring way through a dating app. We have plenty of other cool stories to look back on :)
As there are less social activities for young people today (no bowling alleys, no skating rinks, movie houses closing down all over, etc.) it's a miracle anyone meets cute in the 21st century. Most teens I know are shut off in their rooms playing video games, surfing the net, communicating via texts, sending emojis rather that words, eating junk food, getting fat and lazy isolating from the real world. Hopefully love and relationships will still find a way. In the end it doesn't really matter how you connect with a fellow human....as long as you do.
Me encantó y me sentí muy identificada contigo😍
Nice piece. I guess I'll have to look up "meet cute." Grrrrr.
Lie to the ankle bitters, it´s more fun that way