Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Jasmin Benward's avatar

Rachel, thank you so much for this opportunity. I’m feeling very liberated!! 🫶🏽

Expand full comment
PAIN BABY's avatar

"...I cohabitated with my partners and did all of the other “grown folk” activities you do when you think there’s traction to go the distance, except my relationships had a threshold. As a natural giver, I’d been set up for manipulation more times than I could count. I was a sponsor to many monetarily, an emotional host with big golden retriever energy, a placeholder while lovers awaited their better partner. I began to notice that people loved how I made them feel, but they didn’t love me for who I was."

Reading this hit hard. I'm a queer and polyamorous disabled person who struggles with being frequently exploited or taken for granted because of a natural tendency toward nurturing and being helpful--perhaps also a product of the people pleasing that so many of us socialized as women can't get rid of. I enjoy being a caretaker, but often don't know if it'll end up with my partners becoming entitled to my attention when they are unable or unwilling to return it. Thank you for highlighting the importance of being one's own primary partner as a disabled person. I am lucky enough to have found healthy dynamics in my more recent relationships, and it's been liberating to be with people who understand how crucial it is that I do not become an extension of another person. I wish only the same and better upon you. The best thing about being a polyamorous person is our commitment to uplifting one another's freedom by supporting one another's autonomy. We all deserve at least that much.

Expand full comment
8 more comments...

No posts