"...I cohabitated with my partners and did all of the other “grown folk” activities you do when you think there’s traction to go the distance, except my relationships had a threshold. As a natural giver, I’d been set up for manipulation more times than I could count. I was a sponsor to many monetarily, an emotional host with big golden retriever energy, a placeholder while lovers awaited their better partner. I began to notice that people loved how I made them feel, but they didn’t love me for who I was."
Reading this hit hard. I'm a queer and polyamorous disabled person who struggles with being frequently exploited or taken for granted because of a natural tendency toward nurturing and being helpful--perhaps also a product of the people pleasing that so many of us socialized as women can't get rid of. I enjoy being a caretaker, but often don't know if it'll end up with my partners becoming entitled to my attention when they are unable or unwilling to return it. Thank you for highlighting the importance of being one's own primary partner as a disabled person. I am lucky enough to have found healthy dynamics in my more recent relationships, and it's been liberating to be with people who understand how crucial it is that I do not become an extension of another person. I wish only the same and better upon you. The best thing about being a polyamorous person is our commitment to uplifting one another's freedom by supporting one another's autonomy. We all deserve at least that much.
This article is incredible. I’m a relationship anarchist floating closer to solo polyamory these days, and the discussion on neurodivergence and how it can affect ability and want for enmeshment and life bonds that look a certain way is a constant one. “I care to be claimed, not conquered, and my tolerance for bullshit is cooked,” changed my body chemistry, and I’m so grateful to have found this article today.
What a fabulous writer you are! And to share the pain and disappointment in relationships is brave. You may have a disability but it surely hasn’t affected your ability to express yourself with the written word. Bravo! Definitely looking forward to reading more.
Rachel, thank you so much for this opportunity. I’m feeling very liberated!! 🫶🏽
"...I cohabitated with my partners and did all of the other “grown folk” activities you do when you think there’s traction to go the distance, except my relationships had a threshold. As a natural giver, I’d been set up for manipulation more times than I could count. I was a sponsor to many monetarily, an emotional host with big golden retriever energy, a placeholder while lovers awaited their better partner. I began to notice that people loved how I made them feel, but they didn’t love me for who I was."
Reading this hit hard. I'm a queer and polyamorous disabled person who struggles with being frequently exploited or taken for granted because of a natural tendency toward nurturing and being helpful--perhaps also a product of the people pleasing that so many of us socialized as women can't get rid of. I enjoy being a caretaker, but often don't know if it'll end up with my partners becoming entitled to my attention when they are unable or unwilling to return it. Thank you for highlighting the importance of being one's own primary partner as a disabled person. I am lucky enough to have found healthy dynamics in my more recent relationships, and it's been liberating to be with people who understand how crucial it is that I do not become an extension of another person. I wish only the same and better upon you. The best thing about being a polyamorous person is our commitment to uplifting one another's freedom by supporting one another's autonomy. We all deserve at least that much.
This is so well put. Thank you for sharing.
This article is incredible. I’m a relationship anarchist floating closer to solo polyamory these days, and the discussion on neurodivergence and how it can affect ability and want for enmeshment and life bonds that look a certain way is a constant one. “I care to be claimed, not conquered, and my tolerance for bullshit is cooked,” changed my body chemistry, and I’m so grateful to have found this article today.
Hi Alexa! I’m so glad it found you, too!
This is beautifully written. I can relate.
Thank you so much, Leah!
Breath of fresh air - in fact, a gust. Thank you for this fabulous essay!
Thank YOU, Danusia!
What a fabulous writer you are! And to share the pain and disappointment in relationships is brave. You may have a disability but it surely hasn’t affected your ability to express yourself with the written word. Bravo! Definitely looking forward to reading more.
Thank you, Lynne! Your feedback is so warm!